North Dakota’s sparse geography has long made it a natural frontier: Pioneers here pushed the boundaries of westward expansion, then agriculture, and recently domestic oil drilling. Now the state finds itself on the leading edge of a new boom that it never would have chosen: Alzheimer’s disease. Cases are climbing across the United States, and especially… (more…)
It has taken me almost 10 years to figure out that I actually have a reset button and that I’m allowed to hit it when needed! My husband has a C4/C5 spinal cord injury and as his primary caregiver for going on 10 years, along with caring physically (alone) for our almost 10 year old, I’ve hit my limit often.
However, every time I did, I pulled myself back from the brink only a little thinking it was all I needed and all I could allow myself at that time. I mean, how do you, as a caregiver, allow yourself respite time when your husband cannot take care of himself AT ALL and when your young child needs you desperately? So really, I didn’t allow myself time and mentally wasn’t in a place where I could allow it to happen. Everyone told me to take time and everyone told me I needed it and deserved it but until I believed it, it wouldn’t happen.
So hitting the reset button didn’t actually happen until I understood and accepted that I needed to do it and needed to allow myself to do it. Sure, my husband told me to take the time but again, until I (me, myself and I) allowed it to happen, it wasn’t going to happen. So now, when I know when I get close to the breaking point (I get short and angry and mean with my family), I need to totally step away from the situation.
Sometimes, the reset is a nap. Sometimes it’s a car ride around the block. Sometimes it’s a walk down the driveway. Sometimes it’s a night away if all works out as planned! But most times, it’s 15 minutes alone in my room doing deep breathing and stretching. I’d say yoga but it’s really just stretching… I sit cross legged on my dog’s bed and lean as far forward as possible and stretch my back out and breathe… I used the Headspace App to meditate for a few weeks and now, when I need the time, I can sit in my room, stretch and breathe and do a 5 minute faux-meditation.
That’s usually how I reset since while I’d love respite care, I know that I will never, ever be okay with doing that knowing my husband and my daughter need me. So if the time I have to take for myself is only a few minutes, that’s okay since I know I can calm myself down and relax and then get back in the game.
Caregivers are at risk for back injuries. That’s a fact.
People who’ve never done it might imagine caregiving is holding hands, making soup, and saying reassuring things. If only! Caregiving can be incredibly physically demanding.
Getting someone in and out of bed when they can’t assist you is a tough job and can be dangerous for both of you if you don’t know how to do it! Here are some videos with instructions on how to avoid injuring yourself or the person you’re caring for.
Here’s how to prop someone up in bed
How to change the sheets with someone in bed
Changing the diaper of an adult while they’re in bed
How to get someone out of bed
Tips on safely transferring someone from bed to a chair to the car
And if you’re feeling sore, here are a few stretches to help you get back up and running.
Tummy tucks really hurt. Doctors carve from hip to hip, slicing off skin, tightening muscles, tugging at innards. Patients often need strong painkillers for days or even weeks, but Mary Hernandez went home on just over-the-counter ibuprofen. The reason may be the yellowish goo smeared on her 18-inch wound as she lay on the operating table.… (more…)
It’s a question I’m asked all the time by family caregivers:
Can I get paid to be a family caregiver?
It’s usually accompanied by qualifiers:
- I’m not trying to be greedy, but I had to quit my job to take care of my mom.
- My husband isn’t comfortable having a stranger take care of him.
- My insurance will pay for someone to take care of my disabled sister and I’m a trained medical assistant – can’t they just pay me?
Family caregivers often spend a large portion of their income – not to mention their savings – to care for their loved ones. You might even be taking unpaid leave or feel forced to quit your job to fulfill your family obligations. Family caregivers who quit their jobs lose out not only on a paycheck, but on retirement plans, pension plans, and social security benefits. Family caregivers are saving insurance companies and government agencies billions of dollars by providing care – shouldn’t there be a way to get paid something?
Unfortunately, there are only a few programs that will pay family caregivers. We know how hard you work and how much you deserve financial support, but most of the time it is not possible to be paid to be a family caregiver. Because health care differs so much, I can’t provide specific information. However, I can point you in the right direction to find some answers.
Government programs to pay caregivers
Administration on Aging & Department of Aging Services
Each state and county provides different services for the Administration on Aging. Some programs will provide stipends, reimburse caregivers for supplies, offer training, and provide respite. Paying for Senior Care maintains a list of Area Agencies on Aging and Disability Resource Centers that’s searchable by state and county.
Guardians of children
Guardians of disabled children who are not their biological or adopted children can become subsidized guardians. This allows relatives to receive financial help to care for children and keep them out of foster care.
Structured Family Caregiving
In some states, family caregivers of Medicaid recipients can be paid through the Structured Family Caregiving program. In order to participate, you must be referred by your local Agency on Aging, which is typically run at the county level. The program is run by Caregiver Homes. Caregiver Homes is available in Connecticut, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Ohio, and Indiana, and will be in other states soon.
- The person receiving care must be eligible for Medicaid and deficient in at least 3 of 5 activities of daily living: dressing, bathing, grooming, using the toilet, eating, walking, or getting in and out of bed.
- Caregivers and patients must live together.
- Stipends typically range between $900 and $1,200 a month, depending on the level of care.
- You will be assigned a registered nurse and a care manager who will meet with the caregiver and patient to develop a care plan and will provide ongoing coaching, training, and other support.
Medicaid varies by state, so contact your local Medicaid office to find out if you may qualify. If your Medicaid office isn’t responsive, the National Resource Center for Participant-Directed Services can help connect you to the state programs that allow the patient to decide how to spend their health care money – sometimes including the option to pay a family member for care.
Unfortunately, Medicare does not pay for in-home care or adult day services.
Caregiving resources for veterans
The VA provides a range of services for Veterans. The VA’s Caregiver Support Line will be able to tell you what services you and your family may be eligible for, so be sure to give them a call at 1-855-260-3274.
Veterans and their surviving spouses may be eligible for additional payments if they require home health aids or other assistance for being housebound because of a disability.
Post 9/11 veterans
The caregivers of disabled post-9/11 veterans may be eligible to receive a monthly stipend, health insurance coverage, caregiver training, counseling, and respite care for one primary family caregiver and up to two secondary family caregivers.
Veterans who qualify for nursing home placement may also qualify for the Veteran-Directed Home and Community Based Services program. Veterans in this program may hire their own personal care aids, including family members.
Private sources of support for family caregivers
Disease or condition specific organizations
Some private organizations will provide stipends or grants to support caregivers. Organizations who offer this each have their own requirements, so contact a social worker to find out more.
Sometimes parents will recognize the financial hardship their care causes family members and will pay their family members to care for them. This may take the form of an adjustment in the amount of inheritance or some other creative reimbursement. Sometimes relatives will pool their money to pay the primary family caregiver. It’s wise to write a caregiver contract and check with an elder care benefits planner or elder law attorney if you decide to go this route, as it can have implications on Medicaid eligibility, taxes, and inheritance.
There’s also the possibility that family members could share the cost of caregiving, so it’s not all falling on one person.
It’s important to make sure family members are in agreement. Finances can bring out the worst in families, especially during stressful times. You may consider family mediation services – the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys can help you if you’re caring for an aging relative.
Long-term care insurance
Certain types of long-term care insurance will pay for in-home assistance, including family caregivers. These types of policies are relatively unusual and most exclude people who live in the same household from being paid. These types of plans tend to be significantly more expensive. Talk to your insurance agent to learn more.
What if none of these programs will help you?
Even if you can’t get paid to serve as a family caregiver, you may be eligible for programs that will cover adult day services, in-home support, or other ways to ease the financial burden.
Department of Welfare
Caregivers may qualify for other programs, including cash assistance, food subsidies, and medical assistance. Check with your state welfare office for more information.
Resources for those over 55
Social service organizations
There are numerous organizations that provide grants or emergency assistance to families. Many of these are specific to location, employment history, and condition. Organizations will provide grants for rent, mortgages, and utilities. Other organizations provide support for food, medication, supplies, and grants for home modifications to meet the needs of people with disabilities. Each agency has its own eligibility requirements, so you will need to search online by specific needs, contact a local social worker, or discuss it with hospital staff.
If you’re caring for a relative and provide for more than half of their basic living expenses, you may be able to claim them as a dependent on your taxes. You may also be able to deduct their medical expenses, even if you can’t claim them as dependents. Visit the IRS website or call the IRS help-line at 800-829-1040. You can also talk to an accountant about these options.
Working while serving as a caregiver
Some companies are more caregiver-friendly than others. Your company may allow you to work part-time, have flexible hours, work from home, or provide additional time off. Or they may not.
Under the Family and Medical Leave Act, eligible workers are entitled to 12 weeks of unpaid leave per year. Some companies even have employee assistance programs. Check your employee handbook to see if your company has set policies. Go over the options with your supervisor and HR before you make any big decisions.
Do these programs really work?
Skeptical that these programs will really be worth the effort? We’ve talked to hundreds of caregivers using these programs about how much help they’re getting and how they make ends meet. Find out what they have to say.
Getting help is possible
It isn’t easy and it isn’t enough, but help is out there. Find out where other caregivers have found help and how it turned out.
Do you use one of these programs? Have you tried to enroll? Is there another program we should know about? Please let us know in the comments.
This article was originally published in September 2014. It’s been updated several times in order to reflect changes to available caregiver support programs.
In the United States, there are an estimated 1.4 million caregiving youth (children under the age of 18), and nearly 10 million Millennial caregivers (aged 18-34 years old). Of the millions of young caregivers, I believe every single one is an advocate. Advocacy means that you speak up for another person’s needs, views, and try to help them get support. As caregivers, advocacy is a way of life. You may speak to health or social care professionals on behalf of your family member, coordinate service care delivery, oversee your family member’s medication administration, and manage your family’s household. You are the expert on your family member’s care.
While you are well-versed in advocating for your family, you may find speaking up for yourself more difficult to do. As a young caregiver, self-advocacy can present its own set of unique challenges.
What are barriers to self-advocacy?
Lack of awareness in society & unsupportive environments: Unfortunately, many people do not yet recognize the vital role young caregivers play in our society. This lack of awareness often means that people do not understand your caring role and how it can impact all parts of your life. Society also tends to overlook and disregard the experiences of young people with caregiving responsibilities, and health professionals may not view you as a “caregiver” because of your youth.
Fear of mistreatment & associated stigma: You may stay quiet about your caring role because you don’t want well-intentioned professors, bosses, or friends to worry over you and treat you differently than everyone else. At work, your supervisor or co-workers may not understand your life as a caregiver, and you may might fear losing your job. If you provide care for someone with a socially stigmatized condition, e.g., mental illness, visible physical disabilities, or HIV-AIDS, you may fear that by speaking out as a caregiver, you will also “out” the condition of the person you care for.
No support available: In some situations, those around may already know that something is “up”, because of late or missed days at school or work. Conversely, you may be very open about caregiving. In such scenarios, people are aware of your caring role, but you find that there is little or no support available to you as a young caregiver. Supportive services may be directed towards your family member, rather than you, the caregiver.
What are ways to self-advocate?
Despite its challenges, the act of speaking up for yourself is impactful and meaningful. Every time you engage in self-advocacy, you continue to spread awareness about young caregivers. Even in the seemingly small moments, your words and actions demonstrate to society that young caregivers exist and matter.
Express your needs and desires within your family: To combat potential feelings of resentment, it is important to keep the lines of communication open in your family. You may want to engage in family group conferences to discuss current and future care plans. If you foresee sharing or shifting caregiving tasks to younger siblings, you’ll want to discuss with them the practicalities of the caring role and what this will mean for everyone in the family.
Inform doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals that you are a critical participant in your family member’s care, and express your desire to be involved in discussions.
Tell professors, administrators, work supervisors, and friends about your caring role and the ways it impacts your life. This may mean requesting a “grace period” to submit assignments, asking for flexible schedules and work hours, requesting to keep your cell phone turned on and kept with you, in case your family member needs to reach you in an emergency, etc. Self-advocacy in the workplace also means knowing your legal rights, so that you may be aware of potential issues of workplace discrimination.
Ask for help: Seek out extended family members, neighbors, or friends to help with caregiving tasks, or to give you a bit of respite. You may also wish to contact supportive organizations for help.
Monitor your own mental health and well-being: Take breaks (even just for a few minutes), practice self-care, exercise, and maintain a healthy diet. Keep up to date with your own doctor’s appointments and annual tests. You may wish to attend support groups and/or seek out a mental health professional if needed.
Get involved: Call or write your government representatives and vote. Use technology and social media to your advantage: there are several online caregiver support groups on Facebook and Twitter, and they can be a great way to meet other caregivers, ask advice, or vent! You could start a blog about your experience as a young caregiver or post videos to YouTube. You may also want to share your caregiving story through participation in caregiver research studies; this can be an impactful way to help other caregivers on a wider scale!
Remain encouraged as you seek to advocate for yourself. You serve an irreplaceable role in our society and you deserve recognition and support!
Can you think of other ways to self-advocate? How have you advocated for yourself and did you find it helpful? Please share your comments/suggestions below.
This article was originally published on the website of Christine M. Valentin, licensed clinical social worker, and may be accessed here.
How to conduct discussion about mortality can be the greatest challenge in a health-care provider’s career. My new book, Life After the Diagnosis: Expert Advice for Living Well with Serious Illness for Patients and Caregivers (Da Capo Lifelong; February 14, 2017) is a guide for professionals, families and patients when faced with poor prognosis and the need to talk about chronic and end-of-life issues. After 27 years of practice in palliative care, I have gained valuable knowledge and unique insights and how to best address these concerns. Since I can’t personally talk to everyone, I’ve written this book—to give all the same information that I give to those that personally contact me. Chapter 14, Difficult Treatment Decisions and Discussions speaks to culture, religion and other traditions that must be handled mindfully when working with aging patients.
Serious illness doesn’t discriminate; it strikes patients of all ethnic and cultural backgrounds. Members of particular groups frequently have traditions that govern how they deal with serious illness, dying, and death.
In today’s Western cultures, the wishes of seriously ill people are paramount. Our laws and institutions are geared to see that their directives are carried out. In other cultures, decisions are based on what’s best for the family and the individual’s interests are less important. The patient’s family, not the patient, is expected to make the important decisions including treatment and end-of-life decisions.
If you want your family to make those decisions, make your wishes clear. Put them in writing. Make sure that they’re in your medical record. Tell your family, friends, and medical providers that you authorize your family to make all the necessary decisions regarding your treatment and end-of-life.
When it comes to cultural differences, my major concern is that assumptions will be made that don’t reflect patients’ wishes.
I was treating Mae, a Chinese-American patient in the ICU when it became clear that she had only a matter of days left. I asked her nurse, who was also Chinese-American, if she knew whether anyone had asked about Mae’s spiritual preferences. Did she want to see a spiritual leader or have particular customs followed? “Oh, no,” the nurse replied, “We Chinese aren’t religious.” Her answer surprised me. It was not what I had experienced. So I asked Mae’s family, learned that they were Catholic, and was told that both Mae and her family wanted her to receive the Sacrament of the Sick, which we soon arranged
You can’t assume that you know about someone because you know their ethnicity, country of origin, religion, or primary language. You certainly don’t know their preferences for something as personal as medical care and spiritual needs at the end of life.
Although cultural traditions play a role in making treatment decisions, that role is not absolute. For example, in some cultures the tradition is to withhold unfavorable information from patients. In those cultures physicians don’t discuss diagnosis and prognosis directly with the patient. And yet, cultures are not homogeneous. Opinions diverge even in the most traditional communities. They are never 100% one way or the other. Ultimately, treatment and end-of-life decisions are personal and vary with each case.
I tell my students to be curious. To ask respectful questions like, “What do I need to know about your culture or religion to make sure I take good care of you?” Share these traditions and practices with your doctors and nurses. If the person who is ill in your family is potentially more traditional than you are, you can ask them the same question- “Grandma, what are the traditions in our family that are important when taking care of people who are sick?” This question about traditions is another opportunity for the person who is sick to find meaning, purpose, legacy and dignity by sharing family and cultural traditions.
On the other hand, I sometimes find that people don’t want straight talk. Some people prefer to be a bit in the dark, to live with some denial. That’s OK, too. The point is that you can never know what someone will say. That goes for me as a doctor and for family members. The goal is not to assume what someone wants, but to ask.
At 84, Mr. Wong, was admitted to the hospital with right-sided abdominal pain. An ultrasound revealed a mass in his gall bladder that looked like cancer. His family told us not to tell him what we found because he wouldn’t be able to take such bad news. They said that in their tradition the family would make all medical decisions for him.
One morning, when Mr. Wong was feeling better, I visited him. He was in bed and a Mandarin interpreter was with his family in her room. I wanted to respect the family’s wish, but I also wanted to respect Mr. Wong. So I said, “Mr. Wong, I have information about what’s going on. Some people want me to tell them everything while others prefer that I only speak to their families. How do you feel?”
Mr. Wong thought for a moment and then spoke in Mandarin, which the interpreter translated. “You know doctor, everyone has to die someday.” I was stunned. I hadn’t said anything about dying. I regrouped and said that yes he was right but what I wanted to know was how he wanted me to handle new information about his condition and whether he wanted me to tell him or his family. “Oh doctor,” he replied, “you will tell me everything. And by the way, it’s OK if you also want to tell my family.”
Mr. Wong went on to tell us that he felt better and wanted to go home. He declined a biopsy that his family had been ready to consent to. Mr. Wong’s family thought they were protecting him, but they complicated the situation and made it more difficult. They nearly exposed him to a biopsy that he didn’t want.
The US and every state have laws that mandate that healthcare providers make interpreters available for any person who doesn’t speak English. These laws are so important because they support better patient-doctor and nurse communication, which is the backbone of good medical care.
Excerpted from Life after the Diagnosis: Expert Advice on Living Well with Serious Illness for Patients and Caregivers by Steven Z. Pantilat, MD. Copyright © 2017. Available from Da Capo Lifelong, an imprint of Perseus Books, LLC, a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Some of us care for a mom who isn’t able to participate in a big celebration, but other seniors are able to get out and active with some accommodations and planning. Family caregivers looking after their moms can make Mother’s Day extra special. After all, these women only deserve the best in life, considering that most of them experience both financial and health issues during the twilight years. Here are a few suggestions:
To be able to wander and experience the many joys of life is a treat that’ll delight both caregivers and their mothers. Travel is a wonderful dream to achieve, especially during the retirement years. Of course, prioritizing a senior’s safety during a trip should always be practiced.
2) Learning Something New
The golden years offer a lot of opportunities for mother’s to experience. Caregivers can celebrate Mother’s Day in a productive and enjoyable manner by introducing something different from the usual. From crafts workshops to learning a new skill (such as being able to manage a blog, driving, or enrolling in a short course), the opportunity to continue learning during the twilight years will both be a fun pursuit of new knowledge and a way to help stimulate a senior’s mental health.
3) Earn Money
Another way to observe Mother’s Day is for a caregiver to help his or her mother earn some income. This can be done by checking local listings for senior employment opportunities and presenting the options to the mother. Another is through various ways to earn online, such as ads on a blog, online writing, or being a virtual assistant. Introducing the idea of how to make money even during retirement for mothers can be a great way to uplift them.
4) Spending Time with Each Other
More than anything else, seeing Mother’s Day as an event to truly spend and make the most out of the time with mom is a great mindset and focus for a caregiver to have. Perhaps this is what matters the most: considering the blessing of being able to care for a mother over the many challenges a caregiving role has.
Do you have other suggestions to include? Let us know below!
By Leandro Mueller
As the Online Content Director of FreeMedSuppQuotes.com, Leandro Mueller aims to push for awareness and promotion of the many benefits of Medigap insurance plans in the market. He hopes that his work will help boomers and retirement industry experts alike in their lives.
By Susan Jaffe
Under a new federal law, hospitals across the country must now alert Medicare patients when they are getting observation care and why they were not admitted — even if they stay in the hospital a few nights. For years, seniors often found out only when they got surprise bills for the services Medicare doesn’t cover for observation patients, including some drugs and expensive nursing home care.
The notice may cushion the shock but probably not settle the issue.
When patients are too sick to go home but not sick enough to be admitted, observation care gives doctors time to figure out what’s wrong. It is considered an outpatient service, like a doctor’s visit. Unless their care falls under a new Medicare bundled-payment category, observation patients pay a share of the cost of each test, treatment or other services.
And if they need nursing home care to recover their strength, Medicare won’t pay for it because that coverage requires a prior hospital admission of at least three consecutive days. Observation time doesn’t count.
“Letting you know would help, that’s for sure,” said Suzanne Mitchell, of Walnut Creek, Calif. When her 94-year-old husband fell and was taken to a hospital last September, she was told he would be admitted. It was only after seven days of hospitalization that she learned he had been an observation patient. He was due to leave the next day and enter a nursing home, which Medicare would not cover. She still doesn’t know why.
“If I had known [he was in observation care], I would have been on it like a tiger because I knew the consequences by then, and I would have done everything I could to insist that they change that outpatient/inpatient,” said Mitchell, a retired respiratory therapist. “I have never, to this day, been able to have anybody give me the written policy the hospital goes by to decide.” Her husband was hospitalized two more times and died in December. His nursing home sent a bill for nearly $7,000 that she has not yet paid.
The notice is — as of last Wednesday — one of the conditions hospitals must meet in order to get paid for treating Medicare beneficiaries, who typically account for about 42 percent of hospital patients. But the most controversial aspect of observation care hasn’t changed.
“The observation care notice is a step in the right direction, but it doesn’t fix the conundrum some people find themselves in when they need nursing home care following an observation stay,” said Stacy Sanders, federal policy director at the Medicare Rights Center, a consumer advocacy group.
Medicare officials have wrestled for years with complaints about observation care from patients, members of Congress, doctors and hospitals. In 2013, officials issued the “two-midnight” rule. With some exceptions, when doctors expect patients to stay in the hospital for more than two-midnights, they should be admitted, although doctors can still opt for observation.
But the rule has not reduced observation visits, the Health and Human Services inspector general reported in December. “An increased number of beneficiaries in outpatient stays pay more and have limited access to [nursing home] services than they would as inpatients,” the IG found.
The new notice drafted by Medicare officials must be provided after the patient has received observation care for 24 hours and no later than 36 hours. Although there’s a space for patients or their representatives to sign it “to show you received and understand this notice,” the instructions for providers say signing is optional.
Some hospitals already notify observation patients, either voluntarily or in more than half a dozen states that require it, including California and New York.
Doctors and hospital representatives still have questions about how to fill out the new observation care form, including why the patient has not been admitted. During a conference call Feb. 28, they repeatedly asked Medicare officials if the reason must be a clinical one specific for each patient or a generic explanation, such as the individual did not meet admission criteria. The officials said it must be a specific clinical reason, according to hospital representatives who were on the call.
Atlanta’s Emory University hospital system added a list of reasons to the form that its doctors can check off, “to minimize confusion and improve clarity,” said Michael Ross, medical director of observation medicine and a professor of emergency medicine at Emory. Emory also set up a special help line for patients and their families who want more information, he said.
The form also explains that observation care is covered under Medicare’s Part B benefit, and patients “generally pay a copayment for each outpatient hospital service” and the amounts can vary. But Ross said “this wording may be antiquated.” Medicare revised some billing codes last year to combine several observation services into one category. That means beneficiaries are responsible for one copayment if the observation stay meets certain criteria.
The new payment package also includes coverage for some prescription drugs to treat the emergency condition that brought the observation patient to the hospital, said Debby Rogers, the California Hospital Association’s vice president of clinical performance and transformation. Other drugs for that condition will be billed under Part B with separate copayments, she said.
But patients will have to pay out-of-pocket for any medications the hospital provides for preexisting chronic conditions such as high cholesterol, and then seek some reimbursement from their Medicare Part D drug plans for any covered drugs.
Yet, Ross said, most observation visits are less expensive for beneficiaries than a hospital admission if they stay a short time, which the inspector general’s report also concluded. Doctors should “front load” tests and treatment so that the decision to admit or send the patient home can be made quickly. “If you get them out within a day, they are more likely to go back to independent living as opposed to needing nursing home care,” he said.
Last summer, Judy Ehnert’s 88-year-old mother had a bad fall and broke her wrist. Following surgery, and additional complications, hospital officials told the family she would be kept for observation but she would need to go to a nursing home to recover. When the family learned what observation care meant, said Ehnert, a retired bookkeeper who lives in West Fargo, N.D., “that’s when we blew a cork.”
Then, after a few days in observation, Ehnert’s mother contracted an infection and she was admitted to the hospital. “Her care was totally the same, in the same room, with the same doctor, the same nurse.” And Medicare covered her nursing home care.
“That’s what I expected at her age,” Ehnert said. “I always thought that’s what Medicare was for.”
KHN’s coverage related to aging & improving care of older adults is supported by The John A. Hartford Foundation and its coverage of aging and long-term care issues is supported by The SCAN Foundation.
Resilience. Tenacity. Strength. Toughness.
Whatever you want to call it, caregivers need it. It’s that thing about your personality where shit is exploding all around you and you just roll with it. Roll up your sleeves and get to it, every day, no matter what.
Inner strength is a decision.
There’s no trick to it. There’s no pill to take. You just decide that you’re going to do this, come hell or high water. And then you do it, no matter how hard it is.
Put one foot in front of the other.
We all take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Fear, despair, anger — emotions are irrelevant when you’re busy. Acknowledge your emotions, see what’s behind them, and then move past them.
Know why you’re here.
Everything I do as a caregiver has a reason for it. I’m here because I choose to be. Are you doing this to show your love and devotion? Are you doing it because you’re living your values? Are you doing this because you love helping people? Know your reasons and remember them when things are tough.
It will always be hard.
Caregiving gets easier, but it’s never easy. The harder I push myself, the more I can do. I’m stronger than I can possibly imagine and I know that. We all have a source of strength — cultivate it.
Create a bubble.
I don’t care what other people are doing, I care about what matters to me. By surrounding myself with a community of people who put community first I save myself from the opportunity to feel jealous about other people’s lives. I’m committed to my life as a caregiver and I don’t want to waste time on a life I’m not living.
No matter how strong you are, we all have our breaking point. Respect it. You can’t go 110% all the time. It’s okay to give 50% if that’s what you need to do to keep moving forward. You can’t sprint forever.
You need highs and lows.
Being on high alert all the time will kill you. Our bodies aren’t designed to be hyper vigilant at every moment, it wears us out. There are boring moments, even in the ER and the ICU. A lot of them. Cherish them. Allow yourself to be bored.
This Saturday my older brother will graduate magna cum laude from Volunteer State Community College with his Associate’s degree in Computer Information Technology. While every degree is special, this one is particularly significant. Earning this degree was a hard-fought battle, requiring perseverance, inner strength, and tenacity.
18 years ago, my brother made a decision that put his entire life on hold. When our mother was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease, she underwent a spinal surgery intended to alleviate her pain. Instead, the surgery was performed incorrectly, leaving her permanently disabled and unable to work. Two weeks prior, my brother turned 19 years old, and he was entering his sophomore year at college. He had immersed himself in a full university experience: he was an honors student in mechanical engineering, he was active in rock climbing and racquetball, and he had many friends. All of that changed when our mother’s surgery went wrong. He dropped out of college to come home to provide care for our mother and me, his little sister 7 years younger. He became responsible for her physical care, cooking, cleaning, and he also got a job to pay all of our household bills. In addition, he began taking me to school. I also took part in providing care for our mother, yet my brother bore the remarkable brunt of our mother’s care needs without any outside support or assistance.
While my life as a caregiving youth certainly wasn’t easy, I will always recognize the role my brother played in shielding me from the more devastating effects of caregiving at an early age. Because of him, my life took a very different path. When I look at his experience as a young adult caregiver, I know what my life could have been. Yes, the stress of having a mother in chronic pain sometimes negatively impacted my time in school. But, I will never know what it’s like to have your educational dreams snatched away because of caregiving. Yes, I know what it’s like to be bullied and to not feel comfortable telling other people about your life as a caregiver. But, I will never know what it’s like to be completely socially isolated and experience the loss of every single friend you’ve ever known because your life suddenly became vastly different than your peers. Sure, I know what it’s like to push yourself through school with the goal of becoming financially successful, always mindful that one day your mother’s care will fall on your shoulders. But, I will never know what it’s like to be forced to unexpectedly work a full-time job to carry the weight of a mortgage and an entire family’s household bills at the bright young age of 19. Because of my brother, there are certain sacrifices that I have never experienced.
When I tell people our family story and they ask about our mother, I say that she no longer required intense physical care around 8 years ago, mainly because she stopped having surgeries and her care progressed to the management of her chronic pain.
“Oh!”, people often respond, somewhat dismissively, “So everything is fine.” Others even say, “Your brother isn’t a caregiver anymore.”
“Well,”, I say, always getting a bit flustered, never knowing how quite to explain our family’s situation. For people who have never experienced family caregiving, they don’t quite understand. They don’t know that in some ways, caregiving never really ends, even if direct physical care is needed irregularly. The severe financial impact never ends. The worry over our mother’s health never ends. The constant gaze towards the uptake of future caregiving responsibilities as our mother ages never ends. And for my brother, on the eve of his graduation from college, the impact of caregiving on his career never ends.
Caregiving is the reason why at age 36, despite being “on the right track” at age 19, he has finally earned his first postsecondary degree. Caregiving is the reason why at age 36, he is not yet finished in school; another 2 years of hard work is needed for him to earn a Bachelor’s degree. Caregiving is also the reason why even after those years of going back to school, he still isn’t sure how to answer the big question of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” because he lost those carefree years of exploration during young adulthood.
I always consider my experience in terms of what I didn’t have to give up because of caregiving, or conversely, what I still was able to experience despite caregiving. That’s all because of my brother. He is the reason why my life was not utterly broken as a caregiving youth, why I was able to pursue my dreams, and why I have hope for my future. He is the reason why my career has been devoted to helping other child and young adult caregivers finally gain much-needed recognition and support in the United States. I firmly believe that because of his conscious actions of selflessness and compassion, millions of other caregiving youths will one day also feel hopeful that having an ill or disabled family member no longer means that they must give up their educational and career goals. People often call my brother a “hero” for our family. Indeed he is. But, as someone who has intimately watched my brother care for us day in and day out for years, I know that he is more than our family’s hero. He has cultivated a legacy that will impact the lives of millions of other young caregivers, and his graduation, is only the beginning of his accomplishments.
***This article was originally published with The Huffington Post.***
The emotional and monetary consequences of elder financial abuse take a toll on caregivers as well as seniors directly victimized, Allianz Life said Monday in releasing findings of a new study. A vast majority of both active and prospective caregivers reported that they had incurred costs when their elder was financially abused, an average of $36,000,… (more…)
We all recognize that caregiving is a complex task. It can bring a new closeness with the person you are caring for. It can inevitably bring a flood of emotions including compassion, nostalgia, gratitude, devotion, frustration, grief, sadness, love, guilt, and anger.
Anger is an emotion that is particularly challenging for caregivers. It is normal that at some point in the caregiver relationship it will appear. Often times when your role is not acknowledged or the person you are caring for is agitated or aggressive the stress of this role feels overwhelming. You are also simultaneously coping with the grief of losing the person you knew which is an additional component. The reality is unexpected behaviors or medical problems can happen. In your role as a caregiver you cannot always stop or control these situations making you feel helpless and isolated.
The first thing to recognize is anger is a normal reaction. Caregiver fatigue evolves from daily physical and emotional exhaustion. You may become emotionally raw. Do not chastise yourself of feel guilty when you have moments of high frustration or anger. You are human and nobody can always balance all aspects of their life, family other relationships, work, other life commitments in a seamless way. There are things you can do and need to know as you find yourself experiencing these feelings:
Recognize that you are making a difference even when it doesn’t feel that way
Think about what care options would be available if you were not there and how significant your role is.
Be kind to Yourself
Forgive yourself for moments when you become frustrated and angry. Focus more on the countless times when you were patient and compassionate. Allow yourself to have moments of imperfection.
Allow Yourself Respite
Be aware of your own body and feelings. Don’t wait till you crash physically or emotionally from your caregiver responsibilities. Be proactive on your own behalf and get additional support from a relative, friend, of healthcare professional, or respite care program. Give yourself time to recharge. It will benefit you and the person you are taking care of.
Take a Moment to Consider Why You are Angry
When someone is yelling at you or being physically aggressive it is hard not to get angry. Carefully consider why the person you are caring for is doing things to make you angry. Maybe their behavior has nothing to do with you. Perhaps their medical condition creates poor impulse control or memory and they can’t help but ask you the same thing over and over again. Maybe they don’t recognize you and are afraid you are a stranger and they are reacting out of fear or confusion. Maybe they are having a reaction to a medication. Sometimes understanding the reasons for their behavior can soften your reaction. Your feelings about caregiving will change moment to moment.
Incorporate Some Fun Into Your Role as a Caregiver
Think about something you would like to do that could bring some relief from conflicts. For example turn on some music and dance. Music can have a soothing affect on all concerned. Pick a favorite movie and watch it together. Take out old photos and reminisce. That can be meaningful for both of you.
If trying to get dressed becomes a battle just stop. Focus on something else and come back to it later. Give the person you are caring for limited choices when appropriate. For example, would you like to wear your blue or red shirt. Have them both out so the person you are caring for can choose. This way you both feel like you have some control which helps reduce frustration and anger.
Identify Healthy Ways to Release Your Anger
Maybe you will feel better after you kick a ball or punch a pillow. Maybe going in another room and saying what you would like to say letting it out will help. This release will help calm you down so you can move forward with it taking less of a toll. Physical exercise releases tension and can lift mood. Can you take a walk, do jumping jacks, yoga, or meditation? Think about what feels right for you. Writing can be a great release. Write your feelings down or what you would like to say. Transfer your feelings into a poem. You don’t have to share it with anyone. It is another form of healthy release.
Don’t spend time Getting Upset about Things You Cannot Control
This takes extra time and energy you don’t have. Remember you cannot necessarily control the actionsof the person you are caring for. You may have a big fight yesterday. The person you care for has no memory of it today. Try to leave your anger behind. Focus on what you can control which is your reaction and attitude. Start fresh today.
Recognize You Cannot Change Past Relationships
You may be caring for a person whom you had a past conflict ridden relationship. This impacts your role as a caregiver. You need to closely examine its impact on you. Maybe you are not the best person to assume this role.
The biggest mistake caregivers make is not taking time taking care of themselves. You need to identify a person you can candidly talk to about the challenges of your caregiving experience. Another great source of support are caregiver groups or on line caregiver chat sites where you know others understand and have empathy for what you are experiencing. Finally, a healthcare professional with expertise in this area can offer counseling to help.
Iris Waichler, MSW, LCSW is the author of Role Reversal How to Take Care of Yourself and Your Aging Parents.
This has been a stressful month. My disabled husband developed a horrendous rash, which he described as being attacked by ants. I had three infections and injured my back while lifting him. A manuscript I’d been working on disappeared from my computer, and back-up systems failed. I asked an office store to scan the manuscript to a file I could edit, but the file was such a mess, I gave up. The only thing I could do was retype the manuscript.
No wonder I developed a case of the blues. This wasn’t like me, and I was used to caregiving. In fact, I’ve been in the caregiving trenches for 20 years, nine years as my mother’s family caregiver, seven years as my twin grandchildren’s guardian and caregiver, and close to four years as my disabled husband’s caregiver, with more years to come.
I don’t know what is hardest about caregiving for you, but isolation and loss of identity are hardest for me. Although I counter isolation with emails, giving talks, and volunteering, they aren’t the same as personal contact. Besides, I have little time for these things. While I’m caring for my husband, I’m maintaining a writing career, and marketing my books. What’s my problem? Keeping my identity as a writer is a biggie.
A disabled person requires extra care. Even with two hours of paid care a day, I’m always behind. “I’m not trying to push you,” my sweet husband declares. His comment doesn’t make my task list any shorter, or give me an energy boost, or make me feel better. The “To Do” list is often a “Not Done” list.
The Caregiving, Mothering Mother and More blog discusses the identity problem in a post, “I Don’t Know Who I Am Any More: Losing and Finding Your Caregiver Identity.” The author is a mother, school director, writer, and family caregiver, a new role. This role included driver, health advocate, cook, and dedicated companion—a combination that made her feel like a dog “with a choke collar on a very short chain.”
Jack M. Rosenkranz, J.D. writes about identity in his article, “Caregiver Identity Theory,” published in the “Jewish Press of Tampa.” Caregiver identity theory originally came from Dr. Rhonda Montgomery and Dr. Jung Kwak, he notes. The idea behind the theory is that caregivers’ needs are multi-dimensional. “Caregivers themselves often require individualized plans to maintain their own health and quality of life,” he concludes.
Well, my plan is to keep writing books and articles. But publishing has changed. All publishers—traditional, independent, and hybrid–expect authors to market their work. This is a huge job by itself. Add that to caregiving and there are times when I feel like I’m drowning. However, when I see my books on the Internet, and hold them in my hands, stress and work hours are forgotten.
While wife, grandmother, and family caregiver are part of my identity, at this time of life, writing is most important. I’ve made some changes in my writing schedule, including getting up earlier, posting daily on the Internet, and taking online marketing courses. Writing is my self-care and salvation. What’s yours? We can’t let caregiving rob us of our identities. Keeping our identities makes us better caregivers!
Want to read more of Harriet’s writing? Check out her books.
When we first become caregivers or when there’s a new emergency, we go into super hero mode. You know what I mean: you do it all, without stopping, at the same time.
Nothing can stop you, until you can’t keep it up. It’s unsustainable. You can only suck it up and forge ahead for so long before you’ll burn out.
You’re burning out
The problem is, even super heroes aren’t super heroes around the clock, day in and day out.
Taking care of someone else all the time without a break leads to anger, resentment, and sheer exhaustion. You can’t think clearly. You snap at people. You can’t connect with people. You’re so anxious you can’t sleep. You’re miserable.
You know what they need. Do you know what you need?
Take a minute to ask yourself: What are you missing? What do you have? The more specific the better.
Most of us have a few coping methods we cling to, often from childhood. They may or may not be right for the challenges caregiving presents. Caregiving is often presenting new challenges, all on top of each other. You’ll need a whole arsenal of coping methods to make it through in one piece.
Think about what you really need. What specific things are getting to you the most?
Of the things that are getting you down, which ones could possibly be changed? Even a little?
Fight decision fatigue
Caregivers get stuck with a lot of responsibility. So many of the choices we face have no good answer, leading to immense guilt and anxiety.
Decision fatigue is a real thing, and it’s exhausting. Do yourself a favor and eliminate any decisions that don’t matter. Patterns, habits, and rituals are great for this.
- Grab a few things from your closet that all match each other and fit you. Ignore the rest of your clothes and rotate these.
- Eat the same things every week. Stick with one simple grocery list. If you can, get them delivered automatically…or from a neighbor who’s going to the store anyway.
- Schedule appointments at the same times as much as possible.
- Schedule times to make phone calls, do paperwork, and other chores.
The less you have to think about chores and things that don’t really matter, the more time you can think about the things that do.
Get back control
Sure, we’re making decisions all day, but it doesn’t feel like we’re in control at all, does it?
What makes your life feel out of control? What can you do to feel like you’re back at the steering wheel?
Is someone demanding help constantly when they could really wait an hour? Set up ground rules for requests.
Is the unknowing of a lack of diagnosis driving you to your wits end? Turn to meditation or faith to learn to accept the unknown.
Has your life become a random series of chores? Set up a routine and stick with it as much as possible. Everyone works better when they’re following a routine.
Remember that caregiving is a choice. Perhaps it seems outlandish to imagine being able to walk away, but you could. What would it take? What would make you do it? Every moment you’re taking care of someone else is a moment you’re choosing to do so. You’re doing it because you want to be here, even if it’s hard.
Get in touch with you
You’re a human. Humans make mistakes, say the wrong things, and let people down. You’re going to lose your patience. That’s okay. We all do. Remember that. Other people probably have unrealistic expectations of what you should do. Let them, but remember there are limits to what you can do. You’re already going above and beyond.
Find a way to remember how proud you are of yourself. Maybe it’s journaling, a gratitude jar, or just thinking about it as you brush your teeth. A daily moment of reflection doesn’t have to be involved to be meaningful.
As a human, you still need to have an identity besides being a caregiver. Even if you barely have time for the other pieces of yourself, make that tiny bit of time. People who only take care of other people 100% of the time end up bitter, angry, and empty. This is your life, too.
You’re spending a lot of time thinking about someone else’s physical needs. Lots of caregivers neglect their own — and then die before the person they’re caring for, or become so ill they need a caregiver themselves. Stay in touch with your body, too. Go for a walk, even if it’s short. Don’t skip meals. There are lots of little tricks to stay healthy, even when things are hectic. Other caregivers are happy to share them with you.
You’ve cut out a lot of things in your life to be a caregiver. Surely there’s something caregiving related you can cut back on to make some time for yourself.
When you’re in super hero mode, everything that’s non-essential falls away. Friends and other relationships tend to get cut.
It’s fine to neglect your friends for a little bit, but in the long term it has huge consequences — for your physical and mental health.
Maybe you don’t have time to go out, but there’s always time for a quick text. Things like Facebook can help you stay involved, even if you don’t see someone regularly. It’s also a great way to let people know you could really use some company.
Adrienne found she didn’t want to talk to her old friends about caregiving. She wanted to keep her friendships as a bubble of her old, normal life. Instead, she wanted to talk to other caregivers, who better understood what she was going through. So she created this community.
It’s true — your friends might not understand what you’re going through. Those long hours in waiting rooms and hospital cafeterias are an opportunity to meet new people who get it.
But don’t let go of your old friends. Even if they’re awkward around you now, remember they have their own struggles. Invite them over for coffee, even if your house is a mess and you’re stressed out. Write them an email. Ask how they’re going and listen. You need them.
Know your strengths
None of us are good at everything.
Some of us are just not good at keeping track of bills and insurance paperwork.
Some of us have limits to our patience with other peoples emotional needs and poor behavior.
Some of us aren’t very good drivers.
You’re going to do a lot of things, but you can’t do everything. You shouldn’t do everything. Identify the things you just aren’t your strengths and find help with them.
Who will help? Social workers, librarians, and faith communities are a great start. There are community organizations that will help you with your taxes, provide free transportation, do your yard work, and provide companionship for your caree. Every community has different services, but someone you know can help you find help in your area. You can’t do this alone. And you don’t have to.
This is one of those times when Facebook can really help. Ask for something specific and you’ll have better luck.
If you’re providing 100% of the care and not sharing the burden, if something happens to you, whoever steps into your shoes will be lost. It’s not good to be irreplaceable. Other people will do things differently. They’ll be annoying to deal with. They’ll disappoint you. But it’s still worth it to get help.
People don’t feel good when they can’t contribute. Is there something your caree can do to help you? Ask them to do it. Everyone has something to give — and they feel better when they have the opportunity to share it.
Know what you need
It’s incredibly difficult to know what we need. What will make us happy? People have been studying that for millennia.
When you know what you need, you’re half way to solving the problem. Identifying a need means you can find ways to meet that need…or learn to accept that it’s going to be unmet.
Not getting what you need leads to resentment. Resentful caregivers are not good caregivers, no matter how hard they try.
The thing is, no amount of self-care will allow you to be a 24/7 caregiver for a decade without burning out. Sometimes you need a real break — a vacation from caregiving.
Lots of us are taking care of people we love. We don’t want to go on vacation without them. That’s fine. Bringing in a professional caregiver — or a cleaner, handyman, personal assistant — can free you up to have quality time with the person you love. Rather than focusing just on caring for them, you can really be with them.
No matter how great your physician is, there is one question he or she is unlikely to answer: “How much will that cost?” It is not really doctors’ fault. Medical schools and residency training programs have traditionally shied away from teaching costs. For the most part, costs remain hidden even from many practicing physicians. Some would… (more…)
Hope is an essential feature of human experience, but for patients living with a life-altering diagnosis, it can be sorely lacking. In my work as founding director of the Palliative Care Program at University of California, San Francisco, I’ve learned that in order to restore hope we have to understand how rapidly changing moods affect patients, which is why Chapter 7 of my new book, Life After the Diagnosis: Expert Advice for Living Well with Serious Illness for Patients and Caregivers (Da Capo Lifelong; February 14, 2017) is dedicated to the “Mood Roller Coaster.”
Understanding the difference between difficult moods and outright depression is part of ameliorating suffering in palliative care. So is finding milestones and events to help the patient increase their focus and determination—and possibly even extend their life. Marion’s story is an excellent example.
Marion was a 64 year-old woman with interstitial lung disease, which is a relentless scarring of the lungs. She needed high levels of oxygen just to stay alive. Marion was so sick that she couldn’t leave the ICU. When I asked her what she hoped for, she told me that she hoped to see her daughter get married. She explained that her daughter was engaged and the wedding was planned.
“Congratulations,” I said. “That’s wonderful. When will the wedding be?”
“In 10 months, in Napa,” Marion replied.
I couldn’t imagine Marion being alive in 10 months let alone well enough to leave the hospital or the ICU. So I arranged to speak with Marion and her daughter about the situation and their hopes.
Fast forward a week later to an ICU filled by a bride in a flowing white gown, a tuxedoed groom, identically dressed attendants, and a robed minister. Marion sat propped up in her bed, inhaling oxygen in her nose, and with a corsage pinned to her hospital gown. Our hospital staff, all dressed in different colored uniforms, gathered in front of Marion’s bed, where the ceremony was held. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
What a beautiful wedding! Marion’s wish came true. Because we asked about her hopes, we were able to help her achieve them. Was it what she imagined? Not at all. But it was joyous, memorable, and meaningful and the beautiful eclipsed the grotesque. It might not have happened had we not asked about hope.”
Excerpted from Life after the Diagnosis: Expert Advice on Living Well with Serious Illness for Patients and Caregivers by Steven Z. Pantilat, MD. Copyright © 2017. Available from Da Capo Lifelong, an imprint of Perseus Books, LLC, a subsidiary of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Jay Zimmerman got his first BB gun when he was 7, and his first shotgun when he was 10.
“Growing up in Appalachia, you look forward to getting your first firearm,” he said, “probably more so than your first car.”
His grandfather taught him to hunt squirrels and quail. Zimmerman, who lives in Elizabethton, Tenn., said pretty much everyone he knows has a gun. It’s just part of the culture.
“When I went into the military, that culture was reinforced,” he said. “Your weapon is almost another appendage. It’s part of who you are.”
Zimmerman served as a medic in the Army in the late 1990s and early 2000s, with stints in Bosnia, Africa and the Middle East. Since he came home, he’s struggled with PTSD and depression. It reached a crisis point a few years ago, when his best friend — the guy who had saved his life in a combat zone — killed himself. Zimmerman decided his time was up, too.
“I decided that I would have one more birthday with my daughter, one more Christmas with my daughter,” he said. “I had devised my own exit strategy for 16 February 2013.”
But then he bumped into a woman who used to ride the same school bus when they were kids. His exit date came and went. They’re married now.
Zimmerman still gets depressed, but now he’s a peer counselor at the Mountain Home VA Medical Center in Johnson City, Tenn. He also travels to conferences all over the country, sharing his story with therapists and with other vets, encouraging them to ask for help when they need it.
Even today, he explains at these conferences, if he’s not doing well, he disassembles his guns and stores them separately from ammunition, so he can’t make any rash decisions. And if things get really bad, Zimmerman has a special arrangement with a few friends.
“I call them and say, ‘Look, I’m feeling like it’s not safe for me to have firearms in my home. Can you store them for me for a couple days till I feel like I’m OK to have them back?’ ”
Suicide is often an impulsive act. Nearly half the people who survive an attempt say the time between their first thought of suicide and the attempt itself was less than 10 minutes. But the method can mean the difference between life and death: People who take pills have time to change their minds, or may still be alive when discovered. That’s not the case with guns.
Almost 70 percent of veterans who commit suicide do so with a gun, which prompted President Barack Obama to order the VA to talk to vets about gun safety and storage options like the ones Zimmerman uses.
But here’s the trouble: Most therapists aren’t gun people. They don’t know how to talk about guns and so they don’t.
“One obvious reason for that is that no one has taught them how,” explained Megan McCarthy, a psychologist and National Deputy Director in the Office for Suicide Prevention in the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.
McCarthy was invited to speak recently at a suicide prevention conference in San Francisco, aimed at therapists who work with vets.
“How many of you would say you feel really comfortable having a conversation with any of the people you work with about limiting access to all lethal means?” she asked the roomful of therapists.
Hardly anyone raised their hand.
“OK, so that’s why we’re here today,” she said.
Researchers recommend starting with a field trip to a shooting range. There, therapists can learn about different kinds of firearms, as well as gun locks, and get an introduction to gun culture.
When counseling vets, therapists have to ask more questions and be less directive, McCarthy said.
“We often conceive of ourselves as experts — as people who impart information to clients,” she said. But with vets, “it may take time to build trust. Telling them what to do the first time you’ve met them is probably not going to be a very effective approach.”
McCarthy presented a case study at the conference: A 28-year old, unmarried Army veteran who fought in Iraq told his VA psychiatrist that he had an argument with his girlfriend last week. He drove to an empty parking lot and sat with his loaded handgun in his lap, intending to kill himself.
He didn’t do it. A week later, the man told his psychiatrist things were still tense with his girlfriend. But he didn’t want to talk about suicide or storing his gun.
McCarthy asked the clinicians in the audience what they would do next, if they were this man’s psychiatrist.
“Why did he not do it? That would be my question,” one therapist said.
“I would want to see this individual again, within the same week,” said another. “I believe in strong intervention.”
Jay Zimmerman, the former army medic and peer counselor, stood up and explained his different perspective.
“Chances are the reason he’s not talking to you is because he’s afraid he’s going to lose his gun that he carries pretty much all the time,” Zimmerman said. “My buddies are the same way. We all carry — all the time.”
A lot of veterans would sometimes rather confide in a fellow vet than someone in a white coat, Zimmerman said. And that was an unusual takeaway for the professional counselors: Sometimes their role is not to intervene at all, but to be a facilitator. To make sure vets have someone to talk to outside the therapy office.
Back in 2014, federal officials settled on what they thought would be a straightforward fix to curb abusive pill pushing: Require doctors and other health providers to register with the Medicare program in order to prescribe medications for beneficiaries.
That way, the government could screen them and take action if their prescribing habits were deemed improper. Officials figured the modest change would barely ruffle the medical community: Doctors already had to fill out an application, have their credentials verified and enroll to get paid by Medicare for seeing patients, after all.
But this fix, which followed a 2013 ProPublica investigation into questionable prescribing in Medicare, has yet to be implemented. The government now says it needs until 2019 to put it in place — 3 1/2 years longer than initially expected.
“It has definitely been much more challenging” than anticipated, said Jonathan Morse, acting director of the Center for Program Integrity within the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, the federal agency that runs Medicare.
As a result, the government is still covering prescriptions written by doctors who have been kicked out of Medicare and even some who have pleaded guilty to crimes. Three New Jersey doctors who pleaded guilty in July 2013 to charges related to a bribery scheme continued prescribing drugs to Medicare patients the following year, a ProPublica review found.
One of those doctors, Franklin Dana Fortunato, told ProPublica that he was advised that he could continue treating patients between his guilty plea and his sentencing in May 2015.
In addition, at least 40 doctors kicked out of Medicare before 2014 had their prescriptions covered by Medicare’s prescription drug program, known as Part D, that year, a ProPublica analysis shows.
Much of the reason for the delay rests with dentists. Medicare, which provides health care to seniors and the disabled, doesn’t typically cover dental services, but the Part D program pays for drugs, such as antibiotics or painkillers, that dentists order for beneficiaries.
“Since Medicare covers very few dental item and services, many (perhaps most) dentists have little incentive to enroll in Medicare” outside of this requirement, the American Dental Association wrote to CMS in September 2016. The dental group also said the enrollment process is too complex and that CMS already has the information it needs to address fraud and abuse concerns.
ProPublica analyzed all providers who wrote at least 50 prescriptions for at least one drug in Part D in 2014. All told, more than 92 percent of the 428,000 providers were enrolled in Medicare. But among 18,500 dentists, almost the exact opposite was true: More than 82 percent weren’t enrolled.
“From their perspective, they’re basically saying to us, what incentive do they have to enroll,” said Morse, the head of program integrity for CMS.
Part D, which began in 2006, has received high marks from patients. It now covers more than 42 million people. But experts have long complained that the program places a higher priority on getting prescriptions into patients’ hands than on targeting problem prescribers. The Department of Health and Human Services’ inspector general has repeatedly called for tighter controls.
In 2013, ProPublica documented how Medicare’s failure to oversee Part D effectively had enabled doctors to prescribe inappropriate or risky medications, had led to the waste of billions of dollars on needlessly expensive drugs, and had exposed the program to rampant fraud. At the time, Medicare said it had no authority to take action against doctors or other providers even if it found their prescribing practices troubling.
Medicare’s response, finalized in May 2014, gave officials the power to kick health providers out of the program if their prescribing is abusive, a threat to public safety or in violation of Medicare rules. CMS said it would use prescribing data, disciplinary actions, malpractice lawsuits and more to identify problem providers.
To date, officials said, Medicare has only done so once.
But the plan to require that providers enroll in Medicare has been met by delay after delay after delay.
At first, CMS gave providers until June 1, 2015, to either enroll in Medicare or formally opt out. Either way, the government would have additional information about them. If they neither enrolled nor formally opted out, Medicare said it would no longer cover drugs they ordered for beneficiaries.
Finally, in October 2016, CMS pushed it off until January 2019. Beginning this spring, it said it will block prescriptions from doctors who have been barred from participating in federal health programs, those ousted from the Medicare program for other reasons, and those convicted of a felony in the past 10 years.
The delays have enabled troubled doctors to continue prescribing—while still having their prescriptions paid for by Medicare.
A family practice doctor in Michigan, for example, was charged in December 2012 with conspiracy to commit fraud and illegally distributing a controlled substance. But he wrote 7,864 prescriptions in Part D in 2014. In fact, 41 percent of his Part D patients received at least one prescription for a narcotic painkiller that year. He pleaded guilty in 2015 and was sentenced to seven years in prison.
And in Georgia, a nursing home doctor kicked out of Medicare in February 2014 for “abuse of billing privileges” nonetheless wrote nearly 45,000 prescriptions covered by the program that year.
While CMS has delayed its enrollment requirement, it has begun to review the reams of data it collects to identify doctors with aberrant prescribing patterns. It sent a round of letters to doctors, alerting them to how they compared to peers, but a study in the journal Health Affairs last year found that the letters were ineffective at changing behaviors.
A second round of letters, which contained stronger warnings, has led to a small change in prescribing practices, Morse said.
“Rather than saying, ‘Hey we’ve noticed that you have this odd or higher than average prescribing behavior,’ now it’s much more ‘We plan to take action if your behavior does not fall into line with that of your peers,'” he said. “It has become more effective because the letter is more strongly worded.”
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by Charles Ornstein, ProPublica
When a parent, spouse, or relative is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, it can feel as if you’re starting an uncertain journey without any sort of roadmap. It’s a feeling that can persist even as the disease progresses. Often, caregivers look back during the later stages of Alzheimer’s and wish they’d taken earlier steps that would have made late-stage caregiving easier.
One particular area where this can crop up is music therapy for Alzheimer’s sufferers. In recent years, music therapy has been the subject of increased media attention and scientific research. There is now widespread anecdotal and data-driven evidence that music therapy is one of the most effective ways to reduce stress and improve the mood of Alzheimer’s sufferers, particularly those in the mid-to-late stages of the disease.
One of the biggest challenges to music therapy for Alzheimer’s patients is choosing the right music. That’s because the most effective music therapy programs use a patient’s favorite songs from their childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood. Even when late-stage Alzheimer’s has claimed other memories, the beat or hook of a once-familiar tune can dissipate stress, encourage cognitive activity, and transport sufferers back to the feeling of happier times.
If you are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s, it can be hard to find the right tunes for music therapy — especially if you start searching in the mid-to-late stages of the disease. By this point, it will likely be more difficult for your loved one to recall the artists and song titles they were most fond of growing up. More important, it will be harder for them to have the kind of conversations that make it easier to build a music therapy playlist.
If you have someone close to you who’s recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, taking steps now could make it easier to care for your loved one in the later stages of their condition. To find the artists and songs your loved one responds best to, consider the following suggested steps and resources.
Start with Conversation and Research
The first place to start when researching a loved one’s childhood musical tastes is with conversation. Even if your loved one can’t remember all — or even most — of their favorite artists and songs from their early years, they will likely be able to remember a few that you can use as a launching off point.
It’s not necessary to have a single long and intensive conversation. In fact, it may depress your loved one to dwell on preparations for the progression of their illness. If this is the case, you may wish to have short conversations, or ask casually without bringing Alzheimer’s into the conversation. On the other hand, your loved one might enjoy the trip down memory lane, in which case you should feel free to mine their memories.
Once you’ve pinned down a few of their favorite songs and artists, you can turn to the internet for further research. These days, it’s easier than ever to explore a genre or decade of music. Whether you’re using links on Wikipedia, a music streaming service, an oldies satellite radio station, or a combination of all three, you can begin researching the sort of singers, bands, and songwriters that your loved one grew up listening to.
As a general rule, focus on the twenty-year period between your loved one’s fifth and twenty-fifth birthdays. Find out what kind of songs were on the radio at that time, and which artists were most closely associated with the ones your loved one enjoyed. You can use links between Wikipedia articles, suggested artists on streaming services, or whoever’s up next on the oldie station to make these connections.
See What Your Loved One Responds To
Once you’ve brainstormed a list of possible artists and songs, start putting playlists together to share with your loved one. Unless your loved one is invested in the project, don’t force him or her to sit down with headphones and a notepad. Instead, play the songs as background music while doing tasks together, during relaxing moments, or while driving in the car.
At this point, see how your loved one responds. If your loved one says they remember certain songs or certain artists, make a mental or physical note of which ones. If they seem to perk up at the sound of a particular tune, keep that song in mind for the future. If they’re humming along or bouncing their knee to the beat, that’s even better.
During these listening periods, you’ll start to get a better sense of which artists and genres your loved one connects with most. You can then start repeating this process, using the songs and artists your loved one likes to get a better sense of which other songs and artists they might be inclined toward. You can then go back to your research to brainstorm new songs to try out.
The more time you spend on this, the more you can become familiar with the music from your loved one’s earlier years. As you become better versed in the music of the time, you’ll be able to make smarter and more educated guesses about your loved one’s tastes. You might also find that you begin to develop a deeper bond with your loved one through this process, giving the two of you something to talk about that truly hits home.
Create Personalized Playlists for Music Therapy
Whether your list ends up getting narrowed down or dramatically expanded, you’ll soon be able to generate a full collection of songs for future music therapy. At this point, you can begin to put half-hour or hour-long playlists together, selecting the songs that you think will be most joyous or most calming for your loved one.
Of course, there’s no need to shelve this collection during the early stages of your loved one’s Alzheimer’s. If you’ve found that these songs have had a positive effect on your loved one, you should continue to play them and enjoy them together.
You may even wish to take more trips down memory lane. These days, it’s just as easy to research old radio shows or movies that your loved one may not have heard or seen for several years. While plot-driven narratives are hard to follow for mid-stage and late-stage Alzheimer’s sufferers, reliving these memories can be invaluable for those in Alzheimer’s early stages.
When the Time Comes, You’ll Be Ready
By doing this kind of legwork during the early stages of Alzheimer’s, it is easier to provide music therapy for a loved one when they reach mid-stage or late-stage Alzheimer’s. While this can be an extraordinarily difficult time for you and your loved one alike, it can be made easier if you’re able to provide your loved one with moments where he or she feels comfortable and at peace with the world.
At this time, it’s important to make sure that your loved one is comfortable when listening to his or her music. Consider investing in a padded pair of over-ear headphones, which can make it easier for your loved one to focus on his or her music. Also, remember that music played at loud volumes can be stressful or disorienting for those suffering from memory disorders. Make sure to test the volume of the music before playing it for your loved one and try turning it down if the volume seems to agitate him or her.
In addition to music therapy, there are a number of other therapeutic activities and exercises for those with Alzheimer’s. More and more Alzheimer’s caregivers are integrating art therapy and nature therapy into the care they provide for Alzheimer’s sufferers. These therapies — either in conjunction with music therapy or on their own — may also help you in caring for your loved one.
Larry Meigs, President & CEO of Visiting Angels
Visiting Angels is America’s choice in home care. Since 1998, Visiting Angels locations across the country have been helping elderly and disabled individuals by providing care and support in the comfort of home. In addition to senior home care and adult care, Visiting Angels provides dementia care and Alzheimer’s care for individuals suffering from memory disorders. There are now more than five hundred Visiting Angels locations nationwide.
By Julie Rovner
Your federal income taxes are due April 18 and, likely for several million people, so is a fine for failing to get health insurance.
Despite a lengthy debate, Congress has not yet acted on a bill to repeal portions of the Affordable Care Act. That means the law and almost all of its regulations remain in force, for now.
For the majority of tax filers, who had insurance through an employer or government program for 2016, all they have to do is check the box on Form 1040 that says they were covered for a full year. That’s it.
Under a decision by the Trump administration, however, leaving that box blank will not get your tax return kicked back to you. The IRS under President Barack Obama also did not reject returns with the box left blank last year or the year before, but it had announced it would step up enforcement of what’s known as the “individual mandate” for tax year 2016. That plan was canceled under Trump’s executive order calling on federal agencies to “minimize the burden” of the health law.
Still, those who lacked insurance for more than three consecutive months, or who bought individual insurance and got federal help paying the premiums, need to do a little more work.
Those with no insurance or a lengthy gap may be required to pay what the federal government calls a “shared responsibility payment.” It’s a fine for not having coverage, on the theory that even those without insurance will eventually use the health care system at a cost they can’t afford and someone else will have to pay that bill.
Many people without insurance, however, qualify for one of several dozen “exemptions” from the fine. Nearly 13 million tax filers claimed an exemption for 2015 taxes, according to the IRS. The most common were for people whose income was so low (less than $10,350 for an individual) that they are not required to file a tax return, Americans who lived abroad for most of the year and people for whom the cheapest available insurance was still unaffordable (costing more than 8 percent of their household income).
The fine for 2016 taxes is the greater of $695 per adult or 2.5 percent of household income. Fines for uncovered children are half the amount for adults. Fines are pro-rated by the number of months you or a family member was uninsured.
The maximum fine is $2,676; that is the national average cost of a “bronze” level insurance plan available on the health exchanges. But most people do not pay anywhere near that much. Last year, said the IRS, an estimated 6.5 million tax filers paid a fine that averaged $470.
If you bought your own insurance from the federal or a state health insurance exchange and you got a federal tax credit to help pay for that coverage, you also have to take a step before you can file your taxes.
People who got those tax credits must fill out a form that “reconciles” the amount of subsidies they received based on their income estimates with the amount they were entitled to according to their actual income reported to the IRS.
In 2016, 5.3 million taxpayers had to pay the government because they got too much in tax credits, compared with 2.4 million who got additional money back. But among those who underestimated their incomes and had to pay back some of those tax credits, 62 percent still received a net refund on their taxes.
The long arm of the pharmaceutical industry continues to pervade practically every area of medicine, reaching those who write guidelines that shape doctors’ practices, patient advocacy organizations, letter writers to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and even oncologists on Twitter, according to a series of papers on money and influence published today in JAMA Internal Medicine.
The findings of the papers provide further evidence showing how conflicts of interest help shape health care, a subject ProPublica has explored through its Dollars for Docs series since 2010. (Check whether your physician receives money from drug or device companies through our news tool.)
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“The very way we all think about disease — and the best ways to research, define, prevent, and treat it — is being subtly distorted because so many of the ostensibly independent players, including patient advocacy groups, are largely singing tunes acceptable to companies seeking to maximize markets for drugs and devices,” researchers Ray Moynihan and Lisa Bero wrote in an accompanying commentary.
The papers published in the journal cover a variety of issues:
More than two-thirds of patient advocacy organizations that responded to a survey indicated that they had received industry funding in their last fiscal year. For most, the money represented a small share of their budget. But 12 percent said they received more than half of their money from industry.
Most organizations reported having a conflict-of-interest policy, but a much smaller percent said that their groups had policies for public disclosure of those relationships. Fewer than 8 percent of respondents said their group “perceived pressure to conform its positions to the interests of corporate donors or partners” and nearly 14 percent said their group had declined a contribution because of concerns about conflicts of interest.
“Although the amounts and proportions of financial support from industry are modest, the pervasive nature of industry support suggests the need for robust public debate about how to ensure that [these groups] serve the interests of their constituencies,” the authors affiliated with the Cleveland Clinic and other academic medical centers wrote. It called for greater transparency of funding sources by the groups.
Organizations that received funding from opioid manufacturers were less supportive of guidelines proposed by the CDC to limit prescribing of the drugs for chronic pain. More than 150 organizations formally submitted comments after the proposed guidelines were released in February 2016, and 80 percent of them were supportive, though some had recommendations for changes.
Among the 45 groups that received money from opioid makers, though, the level of support was only 62 percent. And none of those groups disclosed their funding sources in their comments. (The CDC did not ask or require them to do so.)
“More people are dying than ever before from these products and it’s important to know how the market is shaped by the spending of drug companies,” G. Caleb Alexander, co-director of the Center for Drug Safety and Effectiveness at Johns Hopkins University, said in an interview.
Two committees that developed guidelines for the management of high cholesterol and hepatitis C did not fully comply with standards set by the Institute of Medicine in 2011 to limit the number of industry-funded panelists. The Institute of Medicine required that fewer than half of guideline writers have commercial ties and that all chairs and co-chairs have no conflicts. But in both cases, at least one chairperson received money from industry and, in the case of the hepatitis C guidelines, a substantial majority of panelists also received money.
Moreover, the authors noted, when separate committees with no commercial conflicts developed guidelines for cholesterol and hepatitis C, the recommendations were more conservative and called for less expensive first line treatments.
Nearly 80 percent of U.S. hematologist-oncologists who use Twitter have financial conflicts of interest. The authors said their results raise questions about how conflicts should be disclosed and managed on social media. It recommended that, at minimum, physicians active on Twitter should disclose their industry funding in their biographies.
A preliminary analysis of tweets by these doctors, not yet published, has shown that “a sizable percentage are tweeting about drugs that they have specific ties to,” oncologist Vinay Prasad, one of the authors of the study and an assistant professor of medicine at Oregon Health & Science University, said in an interview. “Not a single one has disclosed so far, but we’ll find out.”
The pharmaceutical industry trade group, in a statement, defended the relationships between companies and other organizations.
“Industry engages with stakeholders across the health-care system to hear their perspectives and priorities,” said the statement by Pharmaceutical Research and Manufacturers of America. “We work with many organizations with which we have disagreements on public policy issues, including on prescription medicine costs, but believe engagement and dialogue are critical.
“While we cannot speak for particular organizations, we have heard from many patients who are concerned about the growing out-of-pocket cost burden when trying to access needed health-care services and treatments. In addition, there is broad recognition by the patient community of the significant unmet medical need that exists for many fighting devastating and debilitating diseases.”
Moynihan and Bero, the authors of the JAMA Internal Medicine commentary, wrote that their primary concern is that patient groups actually speak for patients. Recently, when Mylan came under widespread criticism for the price of its EpiPen, patient groups were largely silent.
“To ensure a healthier patient voice in medical research, education, policy and practice, sponsored groups that want to be seen as independent and credible need to decrease their industry sponsorship and ultimately disentangle, gaining in authority what they lose in resources,” they wrote.
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by Charles Ornstein, ProPublica
Staying active fortunately doesn’t have to mean hitting the gym every day. Activities for seniors, from volunteering to swimming, moderate hiking, even simply getting out of the house to grab lunch with a friend can have immediate health benefits. Caregivers looking to optimize their loved one’s overall physical and mental health will be thrilled by these tangible benefits of routine activity:
Physical Wellness: In addition to promoting a strong immune and digestive system, regular exercise in old age can help fight illnesses like heart disease, obesity, high blood pressure, dementia, Alzheimer’s, and colon cancer to name a few. Is the person your care for experiencing minor back or knee pain? Staying active with low-impact physical fitness helps stretch your spine, reduce muscle inflammation and improve circulation, which in turn, can alleviate aches and pains. The benefits of physical activity far outweigh the risks for older people, but if you are concerned about injury, consult your doctor and encourage your loved one to start with gentler physical activities like daily walks, yoga, tai chi, or water aerobics.
Positive Attitude: Both exercise and socializing with friends triggers an endorphin release in the brain, promoting self-confidence and overall happiness as well as reducing feelings of sadness and anxiety. Volunteering in the community is a great way for seniors to stay active and is also proven to help people feel more socially connected, combatting feelings of loneliness and isolation that can often accompany old age. If the person you care for is feeling depressed, angry or generally grumpy, striking up a routine of some type of activity daily, like a 20-minute walk, or a stretching session to a playlist of their favorite songs, both gives them something to look forward to as well as promotes endorphin production.
Mental Clarity: For seniors, “staying active” doesn’t just refer to the body, but the brain too. Routine activities should include those which stimulate positive brain function, thus enhancing critical thinking and preventing cognitive decline. Solving puzzles or playing thinking games regularly, like Sudoku, Chess or Scrabble, encourages your loved one to multi-task, and use creativity, problem-solving skills and memory. Stave off dementia, memory loss, and Alzheimer’s with physical exercise too, which boosts blood flow to the brain and has been shown to promote cell growth.
Better Sleep: Getting out, exercising regularly, and staying active can help your loved one fall asleep faster, get a better night’s sleep, and wake up more rested and alert. Better sleep then cyclically feeds into a desire to be more active as well as promotes better brain function. As a caregiver, are you concerned about your loved one falling? Exercise and healthy amounts of sleep can boost your loved one’s mobility, coordination, and balance which means reducing their risk of falling. A win-win!
Sense of Security: When it comes to routine activity and providing a sense of structure and security for your loved one, “routine” is the key word. For caregivers and those they care for, following a daily set schedule that involves some type of physical activity is paramount. Taking meds at the same time each day, exercising and eating meals around the same time each day, and waking up and going to bed around the same time each day help people, especially the elderly, feel less stressed and sleep better.
For caregivers, the resources to help your elderly parent, grandparent or friend whom you care for aren’t always in abundance. Daily activities might require transportation you can’t provide, or time you simply don’t have because of a job or other obligations. Prioritizing regular exercise and activity that so greatly benefits senior citizens is easier with the help of other family members or friends who are willing to pitch in.
Consider organizing a care calendar where your loved one’s support network can sign up to transport them to the local senior center for tai chi class, to take them out for a walk, or to bring lunch over and do puzzles together. Online coordination tools like CaringBridge and SignUp.com provide free online signups and calendars for you to organize help. And local agencies and caregiver networks may offer free transportation or daytime activities for your elderly loved one as well. Do your research and don’t forget, keeping your favorite senior active will effectively make life better for them and you!
In the face of overwhelming odds, we put ourselves in an often impossible situation, and keep doing it armed with little else than love—while spending blood, sweat, and treasure. I wouldn’t hang around somebody who treats me the way I treat myself, and I’ll bet you wouldn’t either. We treat ourselves mercilessly—thinking somehow because of guilt or whatever, we’ve got to push ourselves to the breaking point.
We’ve all heard the story of military drill instructors who look at a line of soldiers and ask for a volunteer. Then, everyone steps back—except the one guy who wasn’t in on the planned exit. He didn’t step back.
As caregivers, WE didn’t step back. We show up every day. Sometimes we do it well—other times, we make mistakes. Either way, our attendance record is perfect even if our service record isn’t. Regardless of what we do or don’t do, we still beat ourselves up because we didn’t do it as well as we think we should—or somebody else thinks we should.
There is a word for caregivers to remember: Grace. To me, Grace is the most beautiful word in the English language. I married a woman named Grace. I love saying her name. As caregivers, we rarely give ourselves grace—to our detriment. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers, and we cannot exist in a healthy state when carrying the crushing burden of guilt.
This kind of caregiver guilt isn’t about sins that get great press. Those things earn guilt. Rather, this type of guilt comes when a child is born with a disease or disability—or even something as simple as wanting to take a break for a day …or even a few hours. The list of things we punish ourselves for stretches beyond the horizon, but none of those things help us live a healthier life. We’re no good to anyone if we stroke out or become impaired ourselves by pushing ourselves to the breaking point.
Today is a good day to be a healthy caregiver, and that journey starts with extending grace to ourselves.
After a long week of barely any rest, it’s tempting to want to stay in bed all weekend, but is it possible to catch up on hours of missed sleep? Unfortunately, most research and experts say no. Sleep debt, like credit card debt, is a real thing, except with sleep, you can’t pay off your debt… (more…)
Humor May Be Antidote For Pain Of Death For Patients, Survivors
Just weeks before Christmas some years ago, Shirley Rapp and her family faced the devastating news that she had what appeared to be a terminal illness.
But that didn’t stop Rapp from wanting to do one last round of Christmas shopping for her kids. Her daughter, Karyn Buxman, a self-described neurohumorist and RN, went along. When the mother-daughter duo stepped into a St. Louis-area stationery store, Rapp picked up a day planner that she admired, turned to her daughter and quipped: “If I make it past Jan. 1, will you buy this one for me?”
That’s when Mom and daughter burst into laughter that attracted every eye in the store.
For some folks, the process of dying comes with less stress when it’s something of a laughing matter. Not a yuk-yuk laughing matter. But, at its simplest, a willingness to occasionally make light of the peculiarities — if not absurdities — that often go hand-in-hand with end-of-life situations.
An aging generation of boomers, the oldest of whom are now 70, grew up to the background sounds of TV laugh tracks and are accustomed to laughing at things that might not always seem so funny. There’s even a non-profit organization funded by donors, conference revenue and membership dues, whose mission is simply reminding people that laughter is a core ingredient of all facets of life — even end of life.
“Laughter is the best medicine,” says Mary Kay Morrison, president of the Association for Applied and Therapeutic Humor, “unless you have diarrhea.”
Humor is particularly important when folks near end-of-life situations, says Morrison. Turning 70 hasn’t stopped her from engaging in activities specifically to make her laugh — like hopping on her pogo stick. “While death cannot be cured, your frame of mind is something that you can change.”
Her group has some loose guidelines for the use of humor among the dying. Most critically: Make certain that you know the ailing person very well before using humor with them.
On its website, the National Cancer Institute urges patients to build humor into their day-to-day lives, in ways as small as buying a funny desk calendar and watching comic films and TV shows.
Buxman, who earned a lifetime achievement award from the AATH, gives speeches on the importance of life’s comic moments. A former hospice nurse, she takes humor very seriously. She has studied the impact humor has on the brain and on the stress levels of patients in their final days. The right humor at the right time, she says, can infuse the brain with pleasurable hits of the stimulant Dopamine, decrease muscle tension and anxiety in the body’s nervous system, and momentarily diminish feelings of anger or sadness.
As it turns out, her mom survived her initial illness — only to later develop a fatal form of Alzheimer’s. Near the end, Buxman took her mom to the doctor’s office — at a time her mom had stopped responding to most external stimuli. While sitting in the waiting room, Buxman could hardly believe it when her mom uttered, “Make me laugh.”
Buxman knew this was the time to share a funny, family memory. She recounted to her mom the story about the time the two of them visited the kitchen section at a large department store and saw a display of frying pans cooking what appeared to be artificial eggs. “This food looks so real,” her Mom said, poking her finger into the fake food. But the egg was real, and when the yolk popped, it oozed all over Rapp and the display.
“As I recounted this story, Mom’s face moved and her eye’s sparkled — and the two of us just doubled-over with laughter,” says Buxman. “Even near death, we can still communicate to the most primitive part of the brain — with laughter.”
But family-related humor isn’t only acceptable in terminal situations — it’s often helpful.
Just ask Paula McCann, an elder attorney from Rutland, Vt., who writes the blog onthewaytodying.com. She recalls when her then 83-year-old father, John, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, requested to die at home. His children and wife took turns caring for him. One evening, McCann sat with her mother at her father’s side, shortly after he had been administered his last rites. Mother and daughter started to discuss where his soul was at that moment. McCann suggested to her Mom that perhaps it was in a holding pattern, while God reviewed the right and wrong he’d done, before allowing him into heaven. That’s when her mother quipped, “He’ll be there forever.”
A sense of humor about all of the drugs patients deal with at life’s end, helped Ronald Berk, former assistant dean at John Hopkins University, through a rough patch. His wife, Marion Smith-Waison, a former OBGYN doctor, was very ill before her death 18 months ago. She had scheduled a meeting at their home with folks offering holistic medicines. When Berk entered the room, a drug counselor asked him, “Are you taking any medications?” Berk shot back, “Yes, I was taking crack — but I gave it up for lent.”
Berk insists humor at that stressful moment offered a critical “release valve.”
Chip Lutz, a professional speaker who retired from the Navy years ago, recalls the importance of shared humor before his father, Eugene, died last year. Trying to squeeze an extra hug out of visiting family members, Eugene often cajoled them with, “Well, this might be the last time you see me.”
But Eugene’s son, Chip, had the perfect response. “You can’t die yet — I don’t have your eulogy done,” he shot back.
Few people hear more morbid jokes than hospice workers. Several years ago, Allen Klein, an author and motivational speaker, volunteered at a hospice in the San Francisco Bay area. An elderly woman he was assisting told him that after she died, she wanted her husband’s bedroom repainted — with her cremated ashes mixed into the paint.
“Why would you want that?” inquired a confused Klein.
“So I can look down at my husband and see if there’s any hanky-panky going on.”
KHN’s coverage of end-of-life and serious illness issues is supported by The Gordon and Betty Moore Foundation.
In 1983, a ground-breaking white paper by then-Chief of Staff of the Army General John A. Wickham Jr. on the importance of increasing support to the Army family put into motion the Army Family Action Plan, or AFAP. General Wickham asserted that a healthy family environment allowed soldiers to more fully concentrate on their mission, so… (more…)
ProPublica Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Comment Donate What Hospitals Waste The nation’s health care tab is sky-high. We’re tracking down the reasons. First stop: A look at all the perfectly good stuff hospitals throw away. by Marshall Allen, ProPublica Photos by Tristan Spinski, special to ProPublica March 9, 2017 Just outside Portland, Maine, there’s… (more…)
WASHINGTON – When the Food and Drug Administration declared that KIND bars – that sticky fusion of fruit, nuts, chocolate, and other treats – couldn’t use the word “healthy” on its wrappers in 2015, the KIND company took offense. It filed a petition objecting to the standards the agency used when considering fat content and asked… (more…)
Florence Marquez liked to describe herself as a cannery worker, even though she was best known in her heavily Latino East San Jose neighborhood as a community activist.
She strode alongside Cesar Chavez in the farmworker movement during the 1960s and 70s. She helped build affordable housing for poor families near her local church.
But eight years ago, Florence, now 86, couldn’t find her way to the house she had lived in for 50 years. “That’s when we knew she needed 24-hour care,” said her oldest daughter, Barbara Marquez, 61.
Florence was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, which robbed her of her memory and her fierce independence. Across the United States, stories like hers are becoming more common, particularly among Latinos — the fastest growing minority in the country.
With no cure in sight, the number of U.S. Latinos with Alzheimer’s is expected rise by more than eight times by 2060, to 3.5 million, according to a report by the USC Edward R. Roybal Institute on Aging and the Latinos Against Alzheimer’s network.
Advanced age is the leading risk factor for Alzheimer’s disease and the likelihood of developing Alzheimer’s doubles about every five years after age 65. As a group, Latinos are at least 50 percent more likely than whites to have Alzheimer’s, in part because they tend to live longer, the report notes.
“This is an incoming tsunami,” said Dr. William Vega, one of the report’s authors and the Roybal Institute’s executive director. “If we don’t find breakthrough medication, we are going to be facing a terrible financial crisis.”
That tidal wave of Alzheimer’s cases is prompting some tough conversations in Latino families, who often pride themselves on caring for elders at home, rather than placing them in nursing homes.
Those talks come with a lot of guilt, Barbara said. Until recently, Barbara was her mother’s primary caregiver. Her sister and brother helped out.
“But it was more than I could have anticipated,” Barbara said, recalling sleepless nights as she tried to make sure Florence didn’t get up and wander off. “It impacts your health, it impacts your marriage. So we looked for help.”
About 1.8 million Latino families nationwide care for someone with Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia. And while the Roybal report shows that Latino families are less likely than whites to use formal care services, such as nursing home care, institutionalized care is becoming more common among these families.
Between 1999 and 2008, the number of elderly Latinos living in U.S. nursing homes grew by about 55 percent, a rate that outpaced the growth of the overall Latino population during that time, according to research published in July 2011 in Health Affairs.
That can be costly. Nationwide, the average cost for basic services in an assisted living facility is $43,200 per year, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. Yearly nursing home care now averages more than twice that, at slightly more than $92,000.
For many Latino families, getting outside help isn’t an option. It’s often too expensive for seniors who aren’t eligible for Medi-Cal, California’s version of the Medicaid program for low-income people, which generally pays for nursing home care. Immigrants who are in the country unlawfully do not qualify for it, nor do people whose incomes are too high.
Florence’s children decided to take their mother out of her house in San Jose, and they brought her to live with her daughter Barbara in Fair Oaks, just outside Sacramento. They sold the San Jose house, thinking it would help pay for institutionalized care should their mom need it down the road.
She did not qualify for Medi-Cal, so she lived with Barbara for about three years. But after trying out a senior day care program outside of the house at a cost of about $78 a day, Barbara and her family placed Florence in a senior home in the Sacramento suburb of Carmichael, where she has been living for the past year.
The decision to institutionalize Florence Marquez left her children feeling both guilty and overwhelmed by the steep expense. Her care now costs $3,000 to $4,000 per month, they said. They pay extra for specialized services.
They had the proceeds from the sale of Florence’s house, “but those resources are dwindling,” Barbara said. “What do we do when that money is gone?”
The Roybal study estimates that the cumulative economic impact of Alzheimer’s among Latinos will hit $2.35 trillion by 2060. That figure includes the costs of medical and long-term care, as well as the lost earnings of family members who provide unpaid in-home care, and of the Alzheimer’s victims themselves, according to the study.
Gustavo Lopez of Chicago cares for his mother, Agustina Lopez, 76, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease seven years ago.
Gustavo, 48, and his four siblings looked into assisted living but couldn’t afford it. Agustina, after moving between her children’s homes, eventually landed with Gustavo, her youngest.
When Gustavo first took on the role of primary caregiver, his mother still did most things on her own, he said. But she now relies on him to help her eat, bathe, dress and take her medication.
So Gustavo needs a job with flexible hours. He’s worked mostly as a waiter. Other employment opportunities have come his way, some with better pay, but caring for his mother comes first, he said.
Asking For Help
Gustavo does get some help from family friends who check in on his mom while he is at work. He also found Casa Cultural in Chicago, a social service agency that offers a day program for seniors. He can drop his mom off at the center for a few hours, giving him a respite.
Free or low-cost programs like these are available in many communities, but families need to do research and ask for help, said Constantina Mizis, president of the Chicago-based Latino Alzheimer’s and Memory Disorders Alliance.
The alliance, formed in 2009, focuses on family members who are primary caregivers. Mizis said she has met many caregivers who are near their breaking point. The nonprofit offers training for them, helps find resources to boost their own well-being and puts on community events for families.
When seeking support, the best place to start is at a local community group or center — a church, a nonprofit, a United Way office, or the local Alzheimer’s Association chapter, for example, Mizis said. These groups will most likely refer caregivers to a county’s Agency on Aging or a state’s Department of Aging.
There, families are assigned a social worker who can discuss what benefits are available. If an Alzheimer’s patient qualifies for Medicaid, these benefits could include caregiver training and payment through programs such as California’s In-Home Supportive Services. But benefits and eligibility vary by state.
In 2010, the Social Security Administration recognized early-onset Alzheimer’s as a medical condition eligible for disability income. That could help people whose Alzheimer’s disease is diagnosed before the age of 65, but many Latino families aren’t aware the program exists, Mizis said.
A Push For Awareness
Because Latinos are more likely to use informal and more affordable care options, the Roybal report calls for improving training and resources for families in both English and Spanish.
Among the caregivers who opt to keep a parent with Alzheimer’s at home is Julia Garcia, of Houston, Texas. She rotates with her three daughters to watch her mother, Marcela Barberena, 85, who was diagnosed with the disease last year.
Julia, who had been unfamiliar with Alzheimer’s, initially thought her mother’s forgetfulness and childlike behavior was due to age.
“Too often people will see Alzheimer’s as a result of old age, but this brain-deteriorating disease is not natural,” said Vega, co-author of the report.
Julia Garcia said she realized it was something more serious when her mother took a shuttle bus from Houston’s international airport without knowing her destination.
“We had agreed I’d pick her up, but she left on her own,” Julia said. “She ended up downtown. It was the scariest moment of my life.”
As a new caregiver, Julia reached out to her local Alzheimer’s Association chapter for information. While some resources are available in Spanish in the Houston chapter, Julia noticed very few Latinos attending the informational workshops or classes.
Spanish-language media provided little information about the disease. “You rarely hear anything about it on TV or the radio,” she said.
In addition, many Latinos, including the Marquez, Lopez and Garcia families, are often unaware of clinical trials through which families can gain access to experimental therapies and medications at little or no cost.
Latinos are underrepresented in clinical trials sponsored by the National Institutes of Health: They account for 17 percent of the U.S. population but only 7.5 percent of participants at the 32 NIH-funded Alzheimer’s research centers across the country, according to the Roybal study.
Latino volunteers for these trials are important in helping researchers develop Alzheimer’s treatments that work for all ethnic groups, the report says.
“This is why it is so important to invest in the education of these communities,” Mizis said.
Her group helps train promotoras, or community health educators, in regions with large Latino communities — including San Francisco, Los Angeles, Baltimore and New York. Going door-to-door, promotoras educate families about the disease.
“I see firsthand everyday how much help our communities need,” Mizis said. “And this need keeps growing.”