Keeping calm

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of LizG Liz 3 months, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #57786 Reply

    Tatiana B

    How do you keep calm?

    I just had an argument over ice. ICE! It started out as one thing and then blew up into a hundred other things. My mom has memory issues and can’t seem to grasp simple concepts sometimes, not to mention her short term memory issues. I just can’t seem to keep my calm anymore with her. I can’t seem to do most things right in her eyes. This isn’t even accounting into the fact that I have my own health issues that cause fatigue and forgetfulness on my part. I’m just so run down and tired anymore. I love her. Would lay down my life for her, but I’m so tired of her complaints and impatience and guilt trips and self pity.

  • #59188 Reply

    Dana

    I would like yo know as well

  • #59368 Reply

    Jodie

    Hi! There are lots of great tools out there to help with keeping calm. If it has come to the point that you can’t seem to manage coming up with calming strategies on your own, then it is a good idea to look at some of these tools!

    A great, free app I use is called “Pacifica” – I literally only use it for the section that gives calming exercises. Maybe give it a try!

    Other than that – My best advice is to remember to put yourself first sometimes. Even if it’s just taking half an hour to light your favourite candle and make yourself a cup of tea. We often forget to appreciate the small things in our life that can bring us a lot of joy if we actually focus on them instead of everything else that is going on for a few moments… like the perfectly made cup of coffee at the perfect temperature made just the way you like it…. let small things like that fill you with warm, positive energy. Give yourself a break every now and then because you truly deserve it. Getting outside is also great for calming down. Plug in your headphones and go for a short walk when you feel yourself getting angry or stressed. More often than not, when you get back home you will be feeling a little lighter and a little more relaxed.

  • #59650 Reply
    Profile photo of Steven
    Steve

    I have similar ongoing problems. I appreciate the advice, but it seems there’s not enough advice on how to cope IN REAL TIME, that is when the situation escalates.

    I care for my dad fulltime, haven’t been able to work since May, have no income, no friends (I moved from out of state to care for him), and there’s absolutely no relief. I visit him twice daily (every day), manage his assets, properties and (complex) affairs the rest of the time. I usually am pressed for making calls (as everyone know, every simple issue is complex, and takes at least six hours to address), cleaning and fixing up properties, running to get stuff for dad. I prefer not using the phone at all, because everything takes too much time. Amazon is my best friend because I don’t have to go anywhere or take any time to get things that are needed, although I do over shop and sometimes don’t return things in time so I have a stack of junk in the house that cannot be returned and is useless. I and up Trying to connect with everyone via email or text message or perhaps even Facebook, just in the order of expediency and efficiency of my own time. Unfortunately, I’m not even able to follow up on emails until usually 3 AM.

    I can offer the following: when I visit, I always tell myself (1) not to have any expectations, especially when we’re scheduled to do something such as go to church or his good friend for a visit, (2) be prepared for anything, as everyone here knows, ANYthing could come up such as a major medical issue or even a “small” issue such as not eating, What are you doing?; and (3) always make interactions about him, because bottom line, it IS about him and it’s a difficult thing he’s going thru.

    HOWEVER, I guess we’re human. We care. We want happiness for the loved ones whom we’ve assumed responsibility. It hurts when we see certain things happening and have little or no ability to change things. And as was mentioned by others, we have our limits and our needs.

  • #59983 Reply

    Caregiving is so incredibly stressful, I find it hard to imagine anyone keeps calm all the time.

    If you do, please share your secrets!

    I count to ten. I take deep breaths. I’ll step out of the room. All the things you already know. But they work, most of the time.

    How difficult it is ebbs and flows.

  • #60125 Reply
    Profile photo of LizG
    Liz

    Good morning,

    I take care of my husband full time. He’s able to do some things for himself, but I work full time as well, take care of all household matters, plus all of his medications, doctor appointments, etc. I’ve been doing this for over two years and it’s been a long journey.

    The best way I’ve found to keep calm is to meditate daily either through a seated meditation practice or through a moving meditation – like Yoga. We also try to take walks outside on an almost daily basis, even when we feel we have no energy for it. I’ve also started a gratitude journal – in a 21-Day Gratitude Challenge App on my Android. Taking a small amount of time to do these things gives me a chance to pause when I’m in the thick of it with my husband. It’s not about him – it’s about me and how I feel about myself. I got very angry and depressed last year (2016). This is my life too and the only one who can change it is me. And it’s working!! I feel better!!

    Take care. Love,

    Liz

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