This topic contains 10 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Steve Evans 5 months ago.
December 23, 2014 at 11:52 am #7290
Everone tells me to talk to a social worker. ..where are they hiding? How do I get one? Do I need to pay?
December 27, 2014 at 11:40 am #7390
It will be interesting because we have an appointment with a Social Worker from the VA on Jan. 2. I am not exactly sure what is going to come of it, but it is a start. I have been taking care of my husband who can not do much of anything, including putting on his pants and socks. He is a miserable S.O.B. and has always been but I was always able to let it slide off my shoulders, but not anymore. I fall apart. So what do I expect to happen by talking to SW? I want him to understand what he is doing to me and our marriage. Actually we haven’t really had a marriage or relationship in many, many years so I would like to get a divorce because I can’t handle the way he is and I don’t want to wipe his ass when it gets to that.
Maybe this sounds cruel, but everyone agrees with me that he is a bastard and the only one who doesn’t agree is my daughter, who is a SW. She says that I am abusive with my words and body language. Yes, I admit I do say something that is not “loving and sweet”…but…I have done the best I can taking care of him.
December 27, 2014 at 1:57 pm #7391
If you are hooked in with the VA system, just ask his VA PCP to refer you. You can also contact your local Area Agency on aging. This is free of charge. You might also want to hire a Professional Geriatric Care Manager. You can locate one close to you through the National Association of Geriatric Care Managers. http://www.caremanger.org
December 27, 2014 at 4:01 pm #7398
Next time your loved one goes to the hospital, when he/she is discharged, let them know you need to work with a social worker on getting him set up at home. You might also contact your states Department for the Aging to see if they can refer you to a local organization or nonprofit that does that kind of work. Finally, you can contact the Alzheimer’s Association and ask about caregiver meetings near you. The people who run those groups are often social workers, and the meetings themselves are wonderful resources with people who understand your challenges and are often a wealth of info. Good luck
March 16, 2015 at 8:14 am #12284
I care people by jussi talking to them and give them a little massage.
May 14, 2015 at 5:18 am #21785
Most areas have a Commission on Aging and Disability. Call them with your concerns and they should send a social worker out to evaluate the needs and advise on what programs your loved one qualifies for. It’s free.
May 14, 2015 at 6:14 am #21786
Someone called a social worker, adult protection services, on my aging mother who insists on living alone. They have visited twice. I don’t know what will happen. Mom shouldn’t live alone bust insists on it.
May 24, 2015 at 11:58 am #22128
Kiki – Too often I read about children whose parents insist on living alone. The time comes, all too frequently, when we have to put our foot down. Whether your mom is totally cognitive or not, able to make her own decisions or not, she may have huge pride issues and not want to give in to her weakness. Her gumption is to be applauded, but her need sounds like it is real. Sometimes, tough though it may be, we’ve just gotta do what we’ve gotta do. Hugs…Adrienne
May 14, 2015 at 9:27 am #21788
Depends on the need.. medical? Call home health agency? Legal and protective needs? Call social services? Geriatric casemanagement? Google one in your town. Also try a place like Lutheran Family Services. In need of some mental healthcare? Many LCSW are medicare providers and oftentimes can come to the home. I would call medicare or provider finder. Also you may have a senior blue book in your area google its online. Or your area office on aging may also help
May 24, 2015 at 4:28 am #22118
I get it… Terrier H doesn’t give any details, but Deb E. does. Deb E. really needs to get OUT of the caregiving space. She is not to be blamed, she is being honest. She does not want to be the aide for her spouse who clearly has caregiving needs. She does need counsel, but I’m not sure if the Social Worker will align her with proper supports or not.
Deb E. you first have to deal with your own money issues. If you are financially dependent upon the one you are caring for then there is a layer there that MUST be dealt with. It is because you are in a catch 22. If you are financially dependent upon him and you walk away, you fall into poverty or financial peril yourself. Then there is the guilt factor and the relationship with your kids. Wow… lots going on here. If you stay (just to avoid financial peril) then you face an “internal poverty” which is more taxing emotionally and mentally than financially. It’s a bad place (I agree).
First things first… which do you dread most. Financial poverty or Mental/Emotional poverty? Nobody can choose for you… and both are awful choices. As for your husband, he has VA benefits which “should” be able to translate into some “at home supports,” but not nearly to the level where you will not be required to “wipe his ass” as you say. Your other option is to pay for home care services (which cost $21/hour through formal agencies) or you could hire a real home health aide directly for less (but there are those IRS/DOL issues to handle yourself). If you think you can’t afford to pay for help and your kids refuse to step up, then you are back to the same two choices… financial poverty or mental/emotional poverty. I’m glad you were honest and let us know the real deal of what you think and feel. Eventually you will be able to post for needs, but this doesn’t change your fate/plight/situation all that much.
Ladies (and gents)… take a lesson. You MUST be financially INDEPENDENT! Otherwise you do become financially coerced into caregiving for the one who you are financially dependent upon. This is a bad space and place… financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
No easy answers here… but certainly a warning to us all.
Lastly… if he is able to get into a nursing home for a little while it will give you some much needed respite time to start your planning and get your kids involved.
November 26, 2016 at 7:03 am #57650
If you are looking for social workers and are unable to find them you can go through their web-sites like http://www.mission-humanitaire-afrique.org/ and can get more detailed information about them.