Young caregivers

issues

This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Calvin Howard Jr 1 year, 10 months ago.

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  • #10123 Reply

    Calvin Howard Jr
    Participant

    I have been caring for my dad for 4 years, things got worse when he lost his sight in 2010 and in 2013 when he lost one of his legs. I had to sacrifice a lot to take care of my dad. From taking a semester off because the school didnt offer the online classes i need (i was a senior). Also i have develop at lot of anger towards my family and the situation. I always feel like others get away and i have to deal with taking care of my dad. As a young guy i get jealous of others my age because many of them don’t have the problems i have they can have the freedom to go wherever they want but i have to be around my dad almost all day. I have been depressed, to the point of doing harm to myself and others, i have a bunch of anger inside me because i feel like this isn’t right for me,i shouldn’t be in this situation.

  • #10126 Reply

    Kathe

    Calvin, if you are at the point you feel you could hurt yourself or others, then you’re not helping anybody. You need to talk to someone as soon as possible to figure out the best options for yourself and your dad. If you don’t know where to start, your local hospital should be able to point you in the right direction.

    I know how stressful caregiving is; I’ve done it for years. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I know how hard it can be to just pick up the phone, but there is help available, and you do have options. You don’t have to deal with this alone! Please don’t wait, call someone right away.

    Prayers for you and your dad, please follow up and let us know how you’re doing.

  • #10127 Reply

    J

    I do understand. I am not as young as you are but I’m an only child of parents in their 80’s. My mom is in nursing home for short term rehab. Dad in the home. He us good but between running in both directions I’m to the point if crisis myself. I just can’t do it. My mom wants to move in or she wants me to leave my husband and move back to them. My husband will not move back to their home and he us ready to leave the situation all together. We can’t take a vacation. No form of a life. doctors tell us thus could go on for years. I totally can relate. This site really helps. People actually care. I understand. So much. I can just imagine how you feel. You are not alone.

  • #10128 Reply

    Mamie

    Calvin, please hang on for just a bit longer. It’s time to call a family meeting and let everyone know you are DONE, as in poke me with a fork DONE! There is no way someone your age should be having to deal with all this and school too. My God, you’re just a kid!!
    If the family won’t step up to the plate, it’s time to call in some outside help….to get you some help. You don’t say how old your dad is, but a good place to start is your local county Social Services office. If he’s over 65, call the Area Agency on Aging and let them know the situation.

    A severely disabled person needs an advocate, and I think you’re a little to young to fill that role even if you were totally on board with it. You’re not, and you deserve to be a freakin teenager for a while!

    It’s hard enough to be in your 50’s and dealing with this stress. Honey, at your age, you’re in waaaay over your head. Please, please call for some help! Do you have ANY family members that will help you get some help? If not, call the Area Agency on Aging about a situation of elder abuse, because this is really what this is if your family has checked out. Not abuse on your part!!!!! I’m talking about everyone else that’s walked out on you. That truly sucks. Good luck, and hang on tight. Get some help!

  • #10372 Reply

    Brenda Marie
    Member

    Hey Calvin,

    I could could imagine how frustrating and challenging it may be to be a young caregiver. I suggest that you talk to a counselor or go to http://www.7cupsoftea.com/depression-help-online for further support.

    I hope you feel better and just remember that you are a great influence to your father’s life.

  • #11064 Reply

    Calvin Howard Jr
    Participant

    UPDATE: i have been doing way better its still a struggle but im making, i haven’t had thoughts of hurting myself or others im still struggling with depression but i am doing better now

  • #11168 Reply

    Brittany
    Member

    Calvin,

    I can imagine you are under a lot of stress. Please visit your local emergency room or call 911 if those thoughts to hurt yourself or someone else occur again. As others have said, you must take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else.

    Please know, the resentment you feel toward family who aren’t helping is normal. It is common to feel this way. I was in my early twenties when I was caregiving for both of my grandparents by myself. I felt resentment daily.

    I also felt jealous when my friends had their freedom as you mentioned yet I did not. Your life will not always be this way. We have seasons of life, some good and some bad, some seasons are short and some are long. Either way, the struggle you are going through is temporary. Focus on your own personal goals for yourself and strive toward them. You have every right to work toward greatness for yourself.

    Wishing you all the best.

    • #11272 Reply

      Brenda Marie
      Member

      Hey Calvin, I’m glad to hear that you are doing better! What exactly are you doing in order to make yourself feel better? I would like to know how you are coping. Also, give the depression a little more time to fade. Try writing a journal or talking to a friend.

      Feel better and keep me updated!

  • #19054 Reply

    Calvin Howard Jr
    Participant

    I have been doing very well, I spend a lot of time at my church and majority of the people know my situation and is a strong support system for me. Also I haven’t been so down because, I realized that continuing being down about this is not helping me, so i have been looking at the good in my life. Im happy im in this position to take care my dad rather than being younger and still in school. I have gotten back into school and that has helped a lot.

  • #19482 Reply

    Rachael
    Member

    Calvin,

    It’s so good to see you’re handling this in a most positive manner and it’s good to see your progress as well. You have developed a positive outlook on the situation and that’s really awesome. Being down really doesn’t help as you have so rightly realized. And I am simply inspired by the fact that you have found happiness in taking care of you dad. Thanks for sharing and keep us updated.

    Rachael

  • #24650 Reply

    Calvin Howard Jr
    Participant

    update: Things have been going well a couple of bumps in the road but its been going well, I still have my tough days, but I still have that positive outlook. I passed all my classes for the semester and Im in the process of signing up for classes in the fall. My dad is doing good he is still taking dialysis, he can be too much sometimes but overall he is doing better. Staying positive has been very helpful for me. Hope everyone has a great fourth of july and stay safe. God bless

    • #24653 Reply

      Tiffany
      Participant

      Hi Calvin,

      Thanks for the update!

      On a positive note, that’s very great news!

      I know how college can be challenging for most students, let alone young caregivers. You are an inspiration and an example of what it means to combat these battles and excel. Your father I know must be very proud of you, and also proud of how strong you’ve stood by his side all this time. Keep going strong, and don’t stop.

      I am looking forward to hearing more updates from you soon.

      – Tiffany

  • #45460 Reply

    Calvin Howard Jr
    Participant

    Hry guys im back, Sorry for the absence. I am in a better mindset Im more comfortable with dealing with my dad situation. At times it could get a little irritating (like when he calls my name every 5 minutes lol) but Im at a better state of mind. Im still going to school im getting close to finishing . My dad is doing better. Also I dont deal with depression as much as I was before I just realized that im in this positon so I cant feel sorry for myself or blame others. Im still dealing with self-esteem issues but for the most part Im doing wayyy better.

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