Many people put their lives on hold when they first step into a caregiver role. That’s fine for short-term caregiving, but putting your life on hold for years or decades means a life unlived.
Finding someone that fits into the lifestyle is difficult but not impossible. I found mine, just took 4 yrs lol we are still strong and loving one another 8 yrs. He is a home body too (perfect as they get). – Donna Marie B.
I had tried dating a few men during the course of taking care of my Mom and they were either too needy, jealous, or did not understand. Deciding not to date eliminated dealing with any of that and just focus on her and what she needed. So it’s not impossible, but finding that one person who is willing and able to not be 1st but maybe a close 2nd and understanding of your caregiving job is like finding a pearl. They are very rare. If you have found or find that person hold onto them. – Michelle R.
I tried [to date]. I take care of my mom, and she gets so upset thinking that I will meet someone and leave her that she ends up in the hospital if I go on a date. I’m not exaggerating. So, I don’t date anymore. I’ve never married or had children, never had a LTR, and I have to let go of those dreams. My mom doesn’t really like me to go out except to grocery shop or to doctors. – NC L.
I just found mine. It’s only been a little over a month, but he is so understanding about my situation. – JoZena G.
I’ve been a caregiver for my Mom for about 10 years now, and have had zero dates in that time. Besides not being able to get out much, I’m afraid I might also slip back into being almost painfully shy around women. – Ed R.
I am a live-in caregiver for a lady and have no time or means to meet any body. It’s a 24/7 job. – Karen P.
I’m the youngest of four and at 47 have given up hope of meeting anyone again, either. I was in an abusive relationship, was always accused of caring for others more than her. She’s a chronic alcoholic who when sober (rarely) was fit and able to look after herself and hold down a job. Meanwhile, I was caring for my niece who is now 36 and has a brain injury, my Dad who passed away about a month ago and I am about to officially take over care of my Mum who totally dropped her bundle once my Dad took a turn for the worse in May and she is not able to take care of his affairs or her own. Somewhere amongst that I lost myself. My siblings won’t speak to my niece or my Mum, who tells me she needs me and I am better off alone after the last one. I kinda don’t blame her for that. I have multiple physical disabilities and PTSD due to her actions. I feel so alone and wish there was somebody out there who would care for me and my ‘baggage’ as my ex called them. I call them my family. My fault is I love and care too deeply and get hurt. Some people are so cruel. Something I will never understand as long as I live. I care because to the core of my being it was what I was bred to do. It’d take one very special person to lure me away from doing what I do out of love. – Beth C.
I just never tried to find a husband as I’m to busy with taking care of my two elderly parents suffering from Dementia. They always acknowledged that my being single was the reason I was/am a 24/7 caregiver to them. But it would break my heart if I felt my parents wouldn’t support me finding happiness. – Janet S.
I sacrificed my college choice to help take care of my Father when he suffered strokes. He passed in ’03. Then I vowed to always care for my Mother who passed 2 years ago. Almost 10 years after my Dad. I sacrificed more than just college in the process, though. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was falling into a comfortable trap of not getting out to meet people and got used to not dating. I had squashed that need for so long that I let loose after my Mom died. I still would prefer to be out instead of staying home but its not as bad. Now I’m 44 years old with no kids or husband to speak of. Yes, true, my choices. But given the circumstances of being an only child, they were choices I had to make a certain way. I would never do anything different either. I’m not complaining, don’t get me wrong, because in a bittersweet way I have my life back, but it’s without my best friend in the entire world, my confidant, my soul mate — My Mom. And it just so happens that now that I do have my life back I have no one to share it with or no little ones to pass the amazing lessons onto that my amazing Mother taught me. – Michelle R.
Even for people who are in a committed relationship, maintaining a relationship takes work and time. Caregiving brings some couples closer and tears others apart.
It has definitely brought my husband and I closer – a new dimension to our relationship; first his mom lived with us and now, we have been caring for my mom under hospice for the last year and a half. Precious moments! – Lemia L.
Trying to take care of two parents with no siblings, turned down for medical assistance, has taken a huge toll on my relationship. – Jacqueline A.
When my mom was diagnosed with ALS, my husband (of 14 years) said as long as I didn’t forget about him, he didn’t have a problem with me taking care of her on the weekends. It only lasted for 2 months, as she passed away very soon after diagnosis. My dad was a mess, so I helped him as much as I could, being an hour away. 14 months later, he asked for a separation. Which worked out, as a year after we separated, my dad was diagnosed with FTL dementia. – Deborah C.
I cannot begin to tell you the strain that categorizing has put on my marriage. I would like to just be able to go out with my husband without having to use subterfuge. Our lives…our privacy…are gone. It is what it is. We are trying very hard, but it is indeed the hardest thing that has ever hit our marriage.- Beth S.