What is it really like to be me…

As a 66 year old looking after my 90 year old dad…it is not nice to be me right now, sadly.

The year my hubby retired we had such excitement to start our travels and new journey. We got one trip in and came back to the news that dad was moving in with us.

That was 5 years ago and our life changed drastically…have not gotten to do the traditional things with my kids and grandkids…have not gotten to travel.

I have 2 brothers and 6 other sisters…only one brother helps out but he still works. We finally had to put dad in a nursing home on Dec 28th 2016.

So thought it might be better, but dad continues to not like me to be happy…every time in the last 5 years we tried to go away he got upset and made himself seriously ill and l could not go or had to come back.

Trying to play tough love now with him…l am up half the night trying to figure out how to go away and enjoy myself now that he is in a home…2 weeks ago l went 3 hours away to babysit my grandsons…he did it again and the nursing home was calling me all the time…l did play tough love and not go back. Sleep is terrible…l was told because he plays these games and destroys his body and kidneys by not eating or drinking till l get back that most likely l will not be around when he takes his last breath if l decide to go away..but they said go…yeah right, that is hard decision to make.

As soon as l come back he starts to eat and drink again.

Nobody else in the family hardly visits or will step up to the plate…l handle everything now.

I am tired and angry and feel guilty for being angry too even though he does not have to be like this.

I am angry at the rest of my family also…but they just do not care.

So my life l feel is ticking away while l am stressed and getting ill myself now…any suggestions will be greatly appreciated, but l have probably heard them all.

l am his POA so l make decisions my brother is POA also but leaves most of it up to me…

Off to visit him right now before storms come in.

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