Whether it’s called self-compassion or self-kindness, the premise is the same: Treat yourself as kindly as you would treat others. This concept is especially important for family caregivers, who can get so caught up in daily tasks that they neglect themselves. To let this happen puts the caregiver at risk for exhaustion, a case of “the blues,” symptoms of depression, or medical diagnosis of depression.
You may be wondering how to cultivate self-kindness. What steps can you take? Can you stay on this path?
Self-kindness is related to self-esteem. Neel Burton, MD, cites 17 ways to develop self-esteem in his article, “Building Confidence and Self-Esteem,” posted on the Psychology Today website. A suggestion from Burton, “Do at least one thing that you enjoy every day, and remind yourself that you deserve it.”
Now in my 19th year of caregiving, I realize that self-kindness is a journey of its own. I know I must be kind to myself in order to care for my husband. Some self-kindness steps worked better than others. When I reviewed my caregiving experience I became aware of how I created my self-kindness path. These are the steps I took.
Learn about the benefits of self-kindness
Many articles on this topic are posted on the Internet. One benefit is the reduction of stress, something all family caregivers need. Being kind to yourself helps you feel good about yourself.
Promise to be kind to yourself
This pledge keeps you moving forward on the self-kindness path. When things get too busy, self-kindness may ebb, and you may need to jump-start it.
Make a list of your needs
A health and wellness author, I know quiet needs to be part of every caregiving day. What do you need? You may wish to make a written list of these points.
Consider your wants
Maybe you’ve wanted to take up golf for some time, or want to see the latest movie. Thinks about your wants and make a list of them. These two lists, wants and needs, will help you balance your life.
Test self-kindness strategies
A step that sounds good may turn out to be not so good. If a strategy isn’t working for you, move on to something else. You are worthy of this effort.
Keep what works and discard what doesn’t
Because self-kindness is a trial and error process, identifying steps will take some time. As you explore self-kindness, however, you start to develop a routine. The goal is to make self-kindness a daily routine.
Be willing to change course
As life changes, your self-kindness steps may also change. Monitor your feelings and know which self-kindness steps work best. Don’t be afraid to try something new.
Finally, be persistent about self-kindness
Just as a schedule is part of each caregiving day, kindness needs to be part of your day. Self-kindness improves your life and your loved one’s life.
Amit Sood, MD, in his book, The Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living, thinks the kindness we show others is fueled by the kindness we show ourselves. “Self-kindness helps knit your tribe together,” he continues. Don’t wait for self-kindness to find you. As Sood explains, “Waiting for others to send you positive energy will put you at the end of a very long line.”
Surprise yourself with a new self-kindness step today!