Resilience isn’t being impervious to hard times, it’s the ability to recover from difficulties.

When you’re caring for someone who verbally abusive or requires every moment of your attention, it’s incredibly emotionally draining. It’s unrealistic to try to not be offended or learn to live without alone time. It’s realistic to learn how to recover emotionally and regain your balance.

how to become resilientAssess the situation

Take a moment to think of how you really feel. If you’re upset, what does ‘upset’ break down to? Disappointment? Frustration? Longing for appreciation?

Think about how you feel and why you feel that way and you might just be able to make the situation a little easier to improve.

Reframe the situation

People usually aren’t being inconsiderate because of something about you, it’s usually about them. Someone snaps at you because they’re over-tired. Someone is late because they overslept. Someone lets you down because they’re caught up in their own needs.

Peoples actions aren’t always a reflection of how they really care about you or value your help.

Set boundaries

We tend to overestimate people’s physical needs. It’s okay to push someone to try to be more self-sufficient — or a little patient — if it’s not going to put them in danger.

Agreeing to do things you can’t possibly do or taking on more than you can handle isn’t necessarily better than saying “no” with love.

Accept your own abilities

No matter how hard you try, you’ll screw up. You’ll let people down. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll hurt people’s feelings. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, it just means your a person.

When you start to feel guilty about something, ask yourself if it’s really something you were responsible for. It’s okay to feel sad about how things turned out, but there’s no need to take on the blame.

Even if you were responsible for something bad that happened, remember that we all do things we regret. Think about what lessons you can learn and forgive yourself.

Find support

There’s no need to go it alone. We all feel alone sometimes, but there are things we can do to lessen that. Connect with other caregivers, online or in person, and reach out to your social network.

You deserve support, encouragement, and understanding.

Remember why you’re here

Some days you probably want to walk out the door and never come back. But you don’t. No one is really forcing you to stay, as much as it may feel that way. What keeps you there?

Remembering the reasons you have to stay — and reminding yourself that it’s a choice — can help you feel in control of the situation.

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