My partner has extreme (and untreated) anxiety, depression, and an unbelievable amount of insecurity that makes her jealous, petty, confrontational, and not-at-all trusting. She’s come from a rough past, with abuse, and despite it, or maybe in spite of it, has achieved great, great things professionally.

We’ve been together less than a year, and I’m at the point where my fight or flight response is teeter-tottering back and forth faster than I can handle.

I admitted to myself today that I am afraid of talking to my girlfriend. Afraid if I don’t say the exactly perfect thing, I am going to set her off and then “well here we go again” I spend the next 24-72 hours in full retreat, apologizing for slights that didn’t happen, defending positions I never had, and fumbling over remembering and explaining words I never spoke (or at this point, don’t even know my ass from my elbow as I get in full panic mode.)

It’s exhausting.

I’ve convinced myself that “this isn’t really her” and that once this phase is over, she’ll be better

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