Death by Dementia

Death by Dementia

Some deaths Are like the slamming of a door. Sudden. Complete. You are either On one side of the door, Or the other, With no contact between. But dementia isn’t like that. It is simultaneously more gentle, And more cruel. Not one, complete, total, goodbye. Instead...
There for him

There for him

His independence taken by stroke; he fights back and I am there for him.   Near, aware, anticipating his needs, but reaching out only as he calls.   Standing silently by as he struggles to regain all that he has lost   Recognizing little steps, slow...
This quiet hour

This quiet hour

I need to wash my hair And take a shower But here I sit Enjoying this quiet hour I need to put up Meds And tidy up the room But I cherish this time To just be me There will be plenty to do Very soon Right now I float In this peaceful place My mind has brought me to...
Exploding Waves

Exploding Waves

Like pent up ocean waves rush exploding toward safety on the shore;   I write words; expose my soul; find release in scattered poetic verse.      Crammed full with new tasks Filled with fathoms of frustration Heaving with heavy responsibility Hardened from...
The Gurney

The Gurney

Because the gurney is unattended in the hallway outside my father’s room Read more on The New Yorker. External ArticleEveryone is talking about caregiving, but it can still be difficult to find meaningful information and real stories that go deep. We read (and listen...
This

This

This. I hate it. I hate that I have to know what it is. I hate that I have to use it more and more every day. I hate that I actually own this after “renting for two years” through my insurance company. I hate that it tends to break and is no longer covered once you...
Sad Eyes

Sad Eyes

I wrote this years ago when my mother in law was in an assisted living home and I noticed how many people had no visitors at all… Sad Eyes Wheelchairs roll Down long lonely halls Hearts are broken Of the ones forgotten Who sit Staring at the walls Voices of...
If I Could

If I Could

I lost my husband on October 3rd 2017, after many health issues since 2007… Stroke, heart attack, open heart surgery and many others. I am so glad I made a difference knowing I gave it all I had… We loved, laughed, and made some great memories through it...
I see you

I see you

A few weeks ago, I was at the beach and I saw a young woman walking with her two little boys and her husband.  Her husband was disabled, walking with a cane and appearing to have lost some muscle function in his arms and legs.  I keep thinking about the woman and what...
Caregiver’s Lament: Rescue Me

Caregiver’s Lament: Rescue Me

Rescue me, for an afternoon or an hour, or a few minutes. I no longer want someone to come into my life and take over all my problems and become my hero and the owner of my life. I don’t want that. I just need someone to rescue me for a few minutes so that I...
The yellow umbrella

The yellow umbrella

Rain. Not the kind rain kids like to run in and lovers like to walk in, but the unkind rain that kids run from and lovers shun. The hard-driving cold rain no one wants to be out in. They were out in it. A mother and her young daughter, alone, at a bus stop, arms...
Moments

Moments

I want to do this. I don’t want to do this. I love doing this. I hate doing this. I can do this. I can’t do this anymore. The Caregiver. By choice. Or no choice. You will be frightened. You will be alone. You will have doubt And you will want out. But only you will...
Coming Into Flower

Coming Into Flower

Her lips part – a naive rose readying to open as if to beautify the world by saying something, something.   She reaches for a glimmering stick in shades of tangerine night, aims then pulls back then aims once more. The stern edge lands squarely along the upper...
She

She

She has blonde hair and auburn eyes She has a laugh that delights the masses She wears pink barrettes and silky flowers Did you know she’s not supposed to run?   She loves horses and saddles She loves to stroke and brush their long hair She loves to whisper...
Truce for a Warzone

Truce for a Warzone

When her body became a warzone, I sat wobbly-kneed in Dr. Smith’s sterilized walls, pretending to color. He had all types of schemes and weapons and missiles to launch inside my mother’s body.   To fight the bad guys.   This is how we conceptualized it...
Changing Flight

Changing Flight

Storms of stroke blew yesterday’s plans asunder. Weathering through its’ cyclonic turns, complete with rage and forged with doubt, tempered by faith and exhausting efforts, we searched for moments of clarity.   It is three years today; and we can see the sun...
Tommy’s Eyes

Tommy’s Eyes

They are big and dark brown, so full of life. When he sees you they sparkle! In fact, his whole countenance brightens. It all begins in his eyes… And you realize he knows love. And if by chance you look any further, you will see a young man who requires total...
Semi-Private

Semi-Private

Leona snores in the next bed Mom’s ninety-nine year old roommate Totally deaf which at first was a plus We didn’t have to worry about waking her if we talked loud We could turn up Mom’s TV.   But recently Mother has stopped talking Lost all interest in Turner...
Hospice

Hospice

He built a bridge For us to cross A hand to hold In our time of loss Footsteps to follow To a circle of friends Who’ll surround you with love Till your heartache ends Non conforming Un assuming Yet inside Love is blooming Gathering Of volunteers Mend our hearts Calm...
A poem about ALZ

A poem about ALZ

Bogged down Face in a frown Life’s so uncertain My heart’s really hurting The love of my life The one I call wife Can no longer see Or recognize me Her suitcase is packed She must go away To a place that is strange To be watched night and day Bogged down Face in a...
Love has many facets

Love has many facets

Love has many facets Stroke just shows another face Spending time together Finding both your space. Love has twists and turns Stroke response is slow Patience is the answer If you want life to flow. Love has no easy answers Stroke wrestles every move Knowledge brings...