Being taken to court

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #50293 Reply

    Judi Lauriat

    Hi there. I am a 55 year old brand new caregiver. Dad passed away 2 months ago, and Mom’s dementia has required me to move in as her caregiver, with my two sisters help (one is handling doctor stuff, while the other is handling finances and is mom’s POA). I am divorced, and my ex has to pay spousal support (alimony sans taxes). But, he knows that I am living with Mom, and has filed a motion with the court to either reduce or eliminate the support, claiming my expenses have reduced significantly. I only have a week, and am writing a short(ish) dissertation as to what my life entails as an unpaid caregiver, with a part time bus driver job. I cannot afford a lawyer (which leads me to ask how he can), so will just lay out the facts, and hope the judge/panel will really listen. I will start with a short review of the divorce and my life up until three months ago (when Dad got sick), then a few paragraphs about dad’s passing and my life now. I also plan to explain Mom’s finances before and after Dad’s passing, with recent copies of bills and statements. I need to dig up the divorce ppwk, to see exactly how things were phrased. I don’t want to rattle on here forever, so let me end this with a couple questions. Anyone run into this before and how did it work out? Should I find and reference articles on dementia patients and caregiver costs, as well as how dementia patients do better when in their own home for as long as possible? Thank you for any help, and feel free to ask questions. Judi

  • #50295 Reply

    Joy Johnston

    Hi Judi,

    I am sorry to hear about the legal situation you are having to deal with on top of caregiving. I think providing a bit of background info on dementia care costs couldn’t hurt, while mainly focusing on your specific situation. It seems the general public has a poor understanding of family caregiving costs, which can be significant and often grow as the loved one’s medical condition declines.

    Some recent resources:

    Best of luck to you,


  • #50338 Reply

    Judi Lauriat

    Thank you Joy. I will be reading and reviewing the sites you were kind to post. I will let you know how things work out Monday, after the court session.

  • #50398 Reply

    Cori Carl

    That’s truly awful, Judi. I hope things go well on Monday.

  • #50459 Reply


    I am truly sorry you have the legal stress added to your other difficulties. Possibly a statement from your sister as POA for your Mom would support your case. She could verify any arrangement or lack of compensation provided. Since bringing Dad into my home for 24/7 care, I have spent thousands of dollars for legal costs because of authority & property issues with my brother. I will pray for you and ask that the Judge apply the law in a wise and compassionate manner.

  • #52453 Reply

    Judi Lauriat

    My apologies for the delayed update. All went well in court. We didn’t have to go before a judge. My ex was crying poverty, but the mediator kinda raked him and his lawyer over the coals, stating that the original divorce agreement never said I could not move in with my mother. And that moving in with her did not constitute a significant change of finances. His lawyer made a veiled threat about my ex having to consider bancruptcy (I call bullsh*t – he is getting remarried, recently bought a new truck – methinks his future wifey is putting the squeeze on him). So, out of the kindness of my heart(and to avoid having to do this AGAIN), I agreed to a slight reduction in the monthly agreement- sufficient enough to put a kabash on future attempts, but he still has to pay me.
    My mantra lately is “It’s all to the good.”

  • #52925 Reply

    Cori Carl

    Judi, I’m sorry you had to go through all the stress and the hassle! I’m glad to hear it didn’t go too badly.

  • #61270 Reply



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