Did I Love Her Too Much

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Bob Harrison 9 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #52041 Reply

    Bob Harrison
    Participant

    At the 36 year point of my marriage, Annie and I were on cruise control. Life was good, and we were still working hard running our two small businesses, but taking the time to reap the benefits of our success. If we decided to take a week or two off, we simply put a sign on the door of our Antique Shop, “See you in two weeks, on Holiday.” And we always knew, the antique junkies would come flying in when we reopened the door, looking for their fix at Abbey Antiques and Collectables. So, life was good.

    Then the unthinkable happened. Annie was diagnosed with a cancer so dreadfully bad, she was only given three weeks to live. Thirty months later, she was gone.

    I loved Annie before I met her. She was everything to me. Somehow, through all the twists and turns of cancer, the 35 hour days, the broken bones, the tears, fighting with her for her life every day, I learned the true meaning of Love, unconditional love. It seemed, through this tragedy, I was loving her more every day, to the point, her pain became my pain, her suffering was my suffering.

    When she died, it was apparent that our whirl wind relationship over the past 30 months had created a new Annie and Bobby. The love I had for her before she got sick was an illusion, compared to the love we found together in our darkest hours. It was meaningful, healthy, from the heart, and never tired.

    No, I didn’t love her too much, I loved her enough! Annie died, knowing she was truly loved.

  • #52258 Reply

    Patricia

    What a beautiful life you and Annie had, Bob. I love reading everything you share.

    • #55287 Reply

      Bob Harrison
      Participant

      Thank you Patricia. It was quite a journey Annie took me on. I wish, all the things I learned while caring for her, I would have know and applied to life’s many mysteries we encounter during our travels through life. Then we could honestly say, “what a beautiful world.” I see it now, but never really thought about it before her illness. It’s called, taking life for granted. Lesson learned! I wish you the best.

  • #52860 Reply

    Allie

    This is so sweet.

  • #55443 Reply

    Gloria Tomer

    Hi Bob. I’ve read a lot of your story. This one in particular touches me. My hubby of 31 years was diagnosed with frontal lobe dementia almost the minute he sold his company. Even though he was a workaholic we were on our way to more times of fun in the sun together. That was 9 years ago. I secretly have always thought I ‘loved him too much’. We were high school sweethearts, who ‘took a break’ for 12 years, neither having married during that time! Getting back together was and is a Cinderella story. Different than Cancer, but so so so heartbreaking. I still have him next to me, grateful for every breath he takes. Now have caregiver help. But I will never be the same person I was at the beginning of this journey. I’m glad I found the caregivers site. Stories like yours and others that only we who have been there can understand, have given me strength.
    Thanks. Sincerely,
    Gloria

  • #55447 Reply

    Bob Harrison
    Participant

    Hi Gloria, and thanks for your kind words.

    I don’t think you loved him too much. It’s our love that helps sustain us during the difficult times in life. I believe somewhere inside his mind, he knows you’re there and what you’re doing to help him get through his difficult journey with dementia. I saw and heard too many things from Annie when she was in a coma, that led me to believe she could hear us. Science would say it’s only reflexes, but I knew the truth. So, talk to him as much as you can, maybe reminisce over some old funny stories, play him some of his music, simply be as normal as you can be in an otherwise abnormal world. Give him the best you can, and that’s all you can do. I know it’s difficult with dementia, my dad had it on and off before he died. We were always talking apples and oranges. If I was talking apples, he’d be talking oranges. As you can see, things kind of got lost in translation. But he still smiled at me through his confused eyes. I hated that the most. My big strong dad being confused. I can feel your love for your husband in your words…Keep on loving him. He’ll feel the love even if he can’t express it back to you. I could be wrong in what I believe, but what if I’m right. We’d miss one of life’s greatest opportunities, loving unconditionally.

    I wish you the best Gloria. Write anytime. I’ll get it and always respond. Let me know ow it goes. And I’d like to know his name.

    I wish you the best,

    Bob

  • #55515 Reply

    Gloria Tomer

    Thank You, Bob. As a nurse, we KNOW that hearing is the last to go. And..people’s spirits shine through no matter what. My husbands name is Mark.

  • #59567 Reply

    Bob Harrison
    Participant

    Thank you so much, Gloria. Inspiring.

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