It was an overcast, windy day and the ocean was roiling (I love that word), but it’s still not bad here really. Hermine is lasting a lot longer than expected. The island is quiet; ferries are running on schedule and I’m glad I decided to stay. In fact, I’m so glad that I think I’ll stay one more day.
Did a lot of work today for graphics that need to be done with the site. Glad Cori will be in this week so we can discuss, face to face, the nature of the work that has to be done. It should speed things up a little—I need to get clarity on it. I have my own ideas of what to do, but before I go charging ahead in an entirely wrong direction, I’ll continue to do image research and wait on final execution ‘til after we speak.
I fully intended to do work on my memories for my writing group this weekend, but just wasn’t motivated to dig deep.
Let’s just say my lists have lists. Prioritizing is the next step. Just got lots to do for the site, for the beach house, for the loft, for Eddie, for my own sanity—I need lists. Self-care takes a lot of time. Training. Making appointments with doctors, keeping those appointments and following their instructions all take time. And of course the older I get, the more self-care there needs to be. If I don’t take care of myself now, I’m afraid it’ll be too late. I may be repeating myself here, but I’ve got to remind myself.
What happened to the days when I’d be out the door at 8:00 a.m., take care of personal business, shop, cook, work at home into the wee small hours of the morning and do this night after night after night? I tell everyone else to be kind to themselves and I have to remember to follow my own advice.
At least with lists, I get to cross off what I’ve done and feel I’ve accomplished something. I need to pat myself on the back now and then. I know I get a lot more done than I give myself credit for, but I always want to do more.
That sounds like something me, as a caregiver, would say. I always wanted to do more. Did I do enough? Was I kind enough? Did I ask the right questions? Does Sylvia need fresh linens? Does Steve need me to go to the pharmacy? The list of to do’s were endless. It’s no wonder, after doing all I did fro 2005 until 2011 that I sort of feel like I’m stuck in one place not doing anything.
On that note…I’ll say goodnight.
Adrienne Gruberg is a former family caregiver and founder of The Caregiver Space. After six years of caring for her late husband and mother-in-law she conceived of an online support space all caregivers could come to. Adrienne holds a BFA from Boston University. She founded AYA Creative in 1982, an award winning graphic design, marketing and advertising company. Her design training has helped shape the website and her personal and professional experience continues to inform and influence the caregiver centric support experience she has created at The Caregiver Space.