The question was what my life was a year ago, but what I want to know so badly is what my life will be like a year from now.

My husband and I got married without really understanding what that meant. I want to say it was because we were too young to know any better, but we weren’t. We’d waited too long to get married to know how to live with someone anymore, be partners in the way you need to be for a marriage. We’d built our own lives and we didn’t want to give that up.

We fell in love, got married, and then started to grow apart. We’re too independent. Too stubborn. Why did we do this, anyway?

We were just starting to figure it out, how this marriage thing works, when my mom ended up in the hospital. It pulled my husband and I back together.

He was there for me, for us, night after night. We were closer than we’d been in months. We’d stay up late talking. It pushed us to think about — talk about — what mattered to us.

Neither of us said it. Neither of us probably even thought about it at all. But we assumed, without thinking, that my mom would get better. Or she wouldn’t and she’d die. But we never thought she’d just stay sick indefinitely.

That’s what’s going to happen. That’s what the doctors say.

What do we do now? How do two people who are too independent to build a marriage give up their lives to care for someone else?

I don’t have a choice in the matter. She’s my mom. Or, I guess I do have a choice, but there’s no other option for me than to take care of my family. I don’t know if my husband will make that same choice.

Will it just be my mom and I next time the new year rings in?


%d bloggers like this: